Congratulations, It's a lymphnode!

So I'm having an ultrasound on Friday. No, I'm not pregnant. Good Lord, don't even say that. But I have this bump on my leg. Maybe if you don't know me, you don't know that I'm a crazy psycho hypochodriac.
Once, when my hair was shedding a lot, I became terrified that I had cancer. Then I remembered that it's the chemo that makes your hair fall out, not cancer. I couldn't come up with any horrible hair-shedding diseases so I felt okay.
So anyways, I've got this bump on my leg. Naturally, I decide that it's cancer. Nope, couldn't be anything else, right? I think this facet of my personality is made worse by certain friends of mine, no names mentioned, who have been known to think they have a brain tumor because their eye is fluttering. So I freak out and go to my doctor who is uber-cool.
She's like "Dude. It's an enlarged lymphnode."
She knows I'm insane though, so she says "I'm 99% sure it's a lymphnode. But why don't you get an ultrasound to make sure."
It's really nice to have sweet teacher insurance when you're a psycho hypochondriac.
So I'm having an ultrasound for my baby lymphnode.
I will post the picture ASAP.
Sara's going to be disappointed though. I called her up the other night at 11pm when I found my lymphnode and she says. "That bump is just an alien baby. It's a tap-dancing alien baby, like from Men In Black. Don't worry."

Last night, because it's so nice out, I decided to decorate my porch. I bought a string of globe lights and hung them up and it looked like a cute little outdoor Italian restaurant out there. Then, the sticky things holding them to the ceiling gave out and they all fell to the floor and smashed everywhere.
If you're looking for a good way to waste $10, I highly recommend it.

Rob Says: "Laura, It Must Be Difficult Living in My Shadow."

Probably the best part of today was when I went outside to get a bottle of water from my car at work . I popped the trunk and then locked my keys in the regular part of the car. So. In the parking lot at school, I had to climb into my trunk, through my back seat and into the front seat to get my keys. It was awesome.

I do want a dog, but I'm a little afraid to get one, because having a dog seems to mean that you commune with other dog owners and ask dog questions to one another like, "Oh, what breed is he?" "How much does he weigh?" "How old is he?". You know I just don't care. I would be considered by other dog owners to be an unkind, unfriendly dog owner. And they would be right.

In the past two days I have rented two (2) HBO shows on video. Here is the verdict-
Curb Your Enthusiasm: It's funny, but I couldn't watch it for more than a few episodes. Mom, you wouldn't like it, it's about the guy who wrote Seinfeld, i.e. your arch nemesis.
Big Love: This show is AWESOME. It's about a polygamist and he and all his three wives and seven kids live together in Salt Lake City. I would go so far as to say it's fascinating.

Oh please, people. You know that Locke did not blow up that submarine. That baby is submerged somewhere. Why was John soaking wet when he walked back? You enter a submarine from the top, there's no reason he'd be wet.

I feel as if I've done a better job of being positive, or at least benign on this blog lately. And so I'm allowing myself this one pet peeve report.
You know what my pet peeve is? When people sit there and stare at you when you tell them something.
Instance:
Student: Can I go see Counselor XYZ?
Me: He's not here
Student: (blank stare. Time passes. Babies grow up. Species evolve.) Oh. I need to talk to him.
Me: You should try back tomorrow before school.
Student: Okay. Cause I need to talk to him about changing my classes.
Now, it would be one thing if at this point the student left. But the student stays there and stares at me. It's almost like they think that I'm hiding him and if they have a good enough excuse, I'll let them see him.
What I say: Okay. Come back tomorrow.
What I'm thinking: GET OUT OF HERE!!! I ALREADY TOLD YOU HE'S NOT HERE LEAVE ME ALOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reasons Why Wednesday Is My Favorite Day of the Week

Most people like to spread their good stuff out over the week so they have something to look forward to every day. I like to put it all on one day so it's like SUPERDAY. I find that sometimes a small good thing cannot, on it's own, withstand the suckiness of a typical workday. However, your workday is no match for all of your fun stuff combined. Much like our friend Captain Planet. Once you combined their powers, Dr. Sludge was SOL.
My day is Wednesday. Here's all the good things about Wednesday Superday:

(1) It's halfway through the week
(2) I wear jeans to work on Wednesdays. No, it's not jeans day. It's just me.
(3) It's my day off from running.
(4) It's the day I get a massage
(5) Lost is on
(6) Lately, I've been getting fruit smoothies on Wednesdays, too.

Wednesday is chock full of happiness. Here is a small tip when making your own superday- Don't make it a weekend day. Weekends are already awesome. The awesomeness of the weekend will diminish the awesomeness of your superday.

Please feel free to comment on your own superday.

Isn't Danny cute, even when he's making stupid faces? Actually, forget I said that. That type of thing is exactly how he got spoiled in the first place.

And by the way, Danny, no, it doesn't count if you turn yourself in. Stop trying to get money out of me.

Did some excellent, excellent writing this evening about this sketchy family that used to live down the road from us. Scratch that. Their grandma used to live down the road. What the hell though, this is fiction, they lived down the road if I say they lived down the road. Everyone knows I'm a liar anyways.

Going to St. Louis in T-2.5 weeks. Going to find Nelly this time for sure. I think Lily knows his exact location. I will get it out of her even if she promised him and the St. Lunatics that she wouldn't tell.

"Laura, what do you think about Heroes being gone until April 23rd?"
Funny you should ask. I think it SUCKS.

Refer Back to This Post When You're Searching for the Root of My Gambling Addiction

I bought into the March Madness bracket pool at work. This is the most fun ever. Also, despite the fact that I have zero interest in and know nothing about basketball, I'm doing really well. Also, checking the scores gives me something to do at work. I've got Kansas beating Georgetown in the final. What's more fun than anything, though, is the one counselor I work with who is ridiculously competitive. I won't tell him who I picked. It's driving him crazy. Seriously though, he's a really nice guy, but his competitive streak is a little bit scary.

Thought while running today: What do you think Zack De La Rocha's mom is like?
I don't think Zack's mom makes cookies. Which is a shame, because cookies are good. Even revolutionaries need cookies.

Last Friday, I get this email from Dragon Lady that she's sent out to the whole school. It says "Paychecks are in! Come by and share a smile!"
First of all, gag.
Second of all, share a smile with who? Are you being facetious? Did you hire someone else to hand out checks?

My sinuses are congested.

Spring! Spring! Spring!

I have the best tree in front of my deck (see left). In a few weeks it's going to be all green and totally awesome, and when it's summer my deck won't be 10,000 degrees.

My Blogs Will Continue to Consist of Numbered Lists Until I Have Something Interesting to Talk About

Don't hold your breath.

(1) Has anyone else noticed that certain types of marinara sauce taste disturbingly similar to vomit? I don't mean that they're gross. I mean they actually taste like vomit. If you don't know what I'm talking about, I invite you to have the Baked Penne at Gallagher's, like I did last night.

(2) I'm obsessed with this song.

(3) Hooray! I ran 10 miles today! This means that I have now run the distance between Lapeer and Davison. Also, I have run the Crim.
I decided around mile 8 today, which is no place to make decisions, that I will never, EVER run a marathon because that is pure insanity. Also, if you run a marathon, I don't think you could get away from eating that Gu stuff. Have you seen this stuff? It's like an instant hit of carbs that you eat while you're running to refuel yourself. It appears to have the texture of rubber cement. No Gu, thank you. If you are immature like me, you will get great joy from saying that sentence quickly.

(4) Hooray for the consignment shop also, where I purchased two shirts, one of which was very expensive the first time it was purchased, for a mere $15.

(5) Hooray for Ryan and Jen who we will be meeting for drinks tonight at Shakespeare's.

(6) Shakespeare's website is lame. It makes it look like a fisherman's bar. No Hooray there.

(7) Rob and I are in a fight for the following reason: He says that if he were a Tyrannosaurus, he would eat me even if he loved me because he couldn't fight his natural instinct. I said if he really loved me, he would fight the natural instinct and not eat me. He refuses to say "Laura, I wouldn't eat you if I were a tyrannosaurus." Until he does, we're not speaking.

(8) Proof that my dad is a sucker (in the good way): You know how we're trying to get rid of those stupid cats? We HATE those cats. They've been around FOREVER. The other day, my mom says to herself "Could I live with myself if I took those cats to the Humane Society?" She couldn't, but at least she tried. Bridget has a growth on her neck. What does my dad do? He pays $600 to have it removed. WHY CAN'T WE LET THEM DIE?? THAT COUNTS AS NATURAL CAUSES!!!! Of course, this aspect of my dad's personality can be used to my advantage as well.

(9) Mostly though, it's used to Danny's advantage. You know the whole Survival of the Fittest thing? I think Danny's one of the fittest. Danny gets away with EVERYTHING. It's like he has a special gene that gets him things. He's clearly more evolved than me. If Danny were a tyrannosaurus, he would eat me, no need to even ask. Don't get cocky about it though, Danny, you would have freaky short arms and I'd get in a couple of jokes about it before you ate me.

(10) It's 50 degrees out. This makes me very happy.

Fergie Ferg, Amongst Other Things

(1) You know how I feel about Fergie Ferg. But all personal feelings aside, she must have the worst lyrics known to man. Also, she is always spelling things out in her songs. Why? Once, okay, but Fergie has turned into a one-trick spelling pony. I only know three Fergie songs and she spells things out in all three of them.
If I were Fergie and I wanted to try and save myself from this embarrassment, I would turn it into a joke. I would name my next album "Spelling Bee", except I would spell it "Spelling B", and the "B" could stand for.. well, "be-ah", if you will.
I'm not saying Fergie is a be-ah, but she could use it in a slangy way.
Just a suggestion.
Here is a lyric from her new song, which I heard on the way to work the other day. It instantly put me in a bad mood.

After the show or after the Grammies
I like to go cool out with the family
Sippin', reminiscing on days when I had a Mustang
And now I'm in...

If you've heard the song though, the way she sings it, it sounds like she says "Sippin', reminiscing on days when I had a mustache".

Whatever, I'm a hater.

(2) Target sells $120 irons. What does a $120 iron do? Don't they all just.. flatten things? I bought the $20 iron, but if I ever won the lottery, I think I would buy a $120 iron.
Just kidding.
If I won the lottery I would never work again, and everyone knows that if I wasn't working, I would be wearing jeans and a tshirt full time and there would be no need for an iron. Probably the same tshirt and jeans all the time. Even to weddings. And I could, because I won the lottery. I would let you, too.

(3) I ran 5 miles today, but it was slightly excruciating. I am, today, exactly halfway through my training camp. I think I am getting over the hump and things will be easier next week.

(4) Here is my Lost prediction: They are going to find Otherville while they're driving around the island in the hippie van.

(5) I'm reading Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott, which is about writing and is quite fantastic.

(6) There's a whole story about the Red Bull truck that hit me the other day, but I am too tired to go into it. I hate it when people do that. Sorry.

Happy Bday Danny!

This weekend we had Danny's bday party. Unfortunately, Danny was in Florida, so he couldn't make it. We had a great time anyways, Danny! Great cake!

Red Bull Does Not Give You Wings

There are a few things I'd like to talk about. First of all, I was assaulted by a Red Bull truck this morning. I'm driving along next to a school bus and when the bus slows down to make a turn, guy in a Red Bull truck that's waiting to turn out from that street decides to gun it in front of the bus. Bad idea, since I am on the other side of the bus. So we hit and all, and now Lola Corolla needs stitches for her front bumper, which I am NONE too happy about, but he got the ticket, so he'll be paying for Lola Corolla's return to greatness.
Dummy.
The wierdest thing ever is when you're skidding and you're thinking to yourself, very calmly, "Hmm. I'm gonna hit that guy."

Second of all, I'd like to talk about this- Exhibit A.
Dear 80's:
Are you being serious? Do you think we don't see you, sneaking your awkwardly large bows back onto the fashion scene? No one is interested in being a child of the 80's again, thank you. Want to know what happened to the people who were popular during your time? Let's see:
Whitney: Drugged out
Paula: Judging on a lame-o show
Pee Wee: Doing time
Screech: Getting kicked out of his house
Debbie Gibson: Living under the assumed named "Debra", trying to escape her Electric Youth past
You were no good for anyone, 80s. So, take your tapered jeans and your bag-like dresses and all your freakiness and take a trip back 20-some years where you belong.

My sister had Electric Youth when we were in middle school. I myself wore "Tribe", which was cool until my school banned it because it made people break out in rashes.

There are no good movies out right now. Maybe they're saving all the good movies for spring and summer. Summer for sure, seeing as Harry Potter comes out on July 13th. It's already on my google calendar.