By Small and Small: Midnight to Four A.M.
By Jack Gilbert
For eleven years I have regretted it,
regretted that I did not do what
I wanted to do as I sat there those
four hours watching her die. I wanted
to crawl in among the machinery
and hold her in my arms, knowing
the elementary, leftover bit of her
mind would dimly recognize it was me
carrying her to where she was going.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Now Hiring: Chaperone/Interpreter of Awkward
The time has now come. What I need is someone to assist me, and help manage my interactions out in the real world. For a long time now, a version of this position has been filled by my good friend Sara "H" S. She has spent a decade and a half letting me know when I've done something bizarre. Eventually, it got to the point where she could accomplish this with just a look. To be fair, Jessica S. has also carried her fair share of this burden. But this job is no longer necessary, because now I'm completely aware that I'm completely weird. What I need now is someone to follow me around and stop my weirdness. Intercept on my behalf, if you will. Because I am powerless to stop myself. Take today, for example. I sell my Baby Bjorn to a woman on Craigslist, and we agree to meet at Water Street to make the trade. I walk in and sit down and she says, "Aww! Look at your son! How old is he?" and I say "1 year". Then I say, "How old is your son?" And she says "3 months".
See all that empty space up there? That's where I was supposed to say something like "Oh, he's so cute!" or "Wow, he's big, eh?". But I don't say either of those things. I say NOTHING. Basically I just stare at the baby. Let's just get this out of teh way: I stare at people A LOT. If I've stared at you in the past, I hope it comforts you to know that, inside my brain, I am screaming "AHHHHH! STOP STARING!!! SAY SOMETHING!!!"
Though I cannot interact with people, I am fairly good at deciphering what it is they're thinking, and this woman is thinking "This girl thinks my baby is ugly". And I DONT think the baby is ugly. I mean, he has one of those faces that will be really handsome in high school, but currently looks too old for his baby body, and that's tripping me out a bit, but ugly? Not at all. THIS is where the Chaperone of Awkward would step in and say one of the above stated appropriate things, thereby creating the allusion of natural conversation flow, and getting me out of trouble. Again.
To be clear, this is a live-in job.
The time has now come. What I need is someone to assist me, and help manage my interactions out in the real world. For a long time now, a version of this position has been filled by my good friend Sara "H" S. She has spent a decade and a half letting me know when I've done something bizarre. Eventually, it got to the point where she could accomplish this with just a look. To be fair, Jessica S. has also carried her fair share of this burden. But this job is no longer necessary, because now I'm completely aware that I'm completely weird. What I need now is someone to follow me around and stop my weirdness. Intercept on my behalf, if you will. Because I am powerless to stop myself. Take today, for example. I sell my Baby Bjorn to a woman on Craigslist, and we agree to meet at Water Street to make the trade. I walk in and sit down and she says, "Aww! Look at your son! How old is he?" and I say "1 year". Then I say, "How old is your son?" And she says "3 months".
See all that empty space up there? That's where I was supposed to say something like "Oh, he's so cute!" or "Wow, he's big, eh?". But I don't say either of those things. I say NOTHING. Basically I just stare at the baby. Let's just get this out of teh way: I stare at people A LOT. If I've stared at you in the past, I hope it comforts you to know that, inside my brain, I am screaming "AHHHHH! STOP STARING!!! SAY SOMETHING!!!"
Though I cannot interact with people, I am fairly good at deciphering what it is they're thinking, and this woman is thinking "This girl thinks my baby is ugly". And I DONT think the baby is ugly. I mean, he has one of those faces that will be really handsome in high school, but currently looks too old for his baby body, and that's tripping me out a bit, but ugly? Not at all. THIS is where the Chaperone of Awkward would step in and say one of the above stated appropriate things, thereby creating the allusion of natural conversation flow, and getting me out of trouble. Again.
To be clear, this is a live-in job.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Friday, April 09, 2010
Professor W. Runs a Tight Ship
*Maybe don't read this if you're easily offended.
Here's what happened in my class today:
Student 1: Dude, what are you writing your research paper about?
Student 2: Down Syndrome kids who are bilingual. My friend's son has Down Syndrome, and if you talk to him in English he doesn't respond, but if you talk to him in Portugese, it's like he doesn't even have a disability.
Student 1:.... man, he doesn't have Downs Syndrome. He's just foreign.
*Maybe don't read this if you're easily offended.
Here's what happened in my class today:
Student 1: Dude, what are you writing your research paper about?
Student 2: Down Syndrome kids who are bilingual. My friend's son has Down Syndrome, and if you talk to him in English he doesn't respond, but if you talk to him in Portugese, it's like he doesn't even have a disability.
Student 1:.... man, he doesn't have Downs Syndrome. He's just foreign.
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