Tuesday, January 30, 2007


Don't Let The Door Hit Your A$% On The Way Out


See you, January. But not for another 11 months. And don't try coming back any sooner, because you're not so much welcome here. And you can take March with you (February, not so bad.. so much red and pink!) Why was I born in the most depressing month of the year? I will tell you why. Because I, just like the girl in that great Hallmark movie "The Girl Who Spelled Freedom", fought against great odds. I rose up from the depths of January. I said NO to Seasonal Affective Disorder, I trudged through the snowdrifts to get to school (uphill, both ways) and I MADE something of myself. And let that be a lesson to you.

Anyways, it's almost February, and I get to change my Kzoo Calendar to a new print, which is fun anyhow.

Dear Oakland Drive residents:
Shovel your damn sidewalks. Not only can I not afford a house on your lovely tree-lined streets, now I can't even run on your sidewalks? Unacceptable.

No snow day today. More snow. It's snowing now. But lets not kid ourselves. Someone will bust out their snowmobile and come pick me up before I get the day off of work.

If, for any reason, I became famous and someone decided to excerpt my blog for a book, this entry would appear in Laura: The Bitter Years

And now I sleep.

Actually, I sleep in a second. First, this story. You know how you can go online and get those ecards? You know how most people only use them when they realize at the last second that they've forgotten someone's birthday? Not so much my dad. My dad bought a subscription to an ecard service and I get at least one ecard a day. Some memorable ecard occasions include Thomas Crapper Day (inventor of the toilet), National Beer Can Day and National Hit-Your-Coworker-With-A-Rubberband Day. Today I get one for National Twist Off Bottle Cap Day, and the message says "Your mom and I are celebrating by getting loaded". Does anyone else see the mentally scarring effects of this?

Monday, January 29, 2007

I would just like to mention how completely unfair it is that I can't really write about most of the things that happen at work on here, because the people that come into my office are just begging to be written about on a blog.

Tomorrow could be a snowday.
There is a crapload of snow and supposedly 6-10 in. more tonight and in the wee hours o' the mornin'.

Heroes tonight.
Love the heroes.

This candle completes me. It smells so good that I try not to burn it too much because I'm going to be so sad when it's gone.

My chiropractor kicked my ass today and I'm pretty sure it's going to be some pretty bad pain tomorrow, just in time for my 4 mile run in single-digit temperatures.

I like The Decemberists though I could see how the guy's voice could get old after a while.

I'm applying to go to the Tin House Writer's Seminar in Oregon this summer. Unfortunately, it's the same week as Blissfest, which is depressing but here's the upside to the whole thing: I can only go to Tin House if I get the scholarship I'm applying for, because the whole affair is el expensivo. So. If I get it, I have to miss at least part of Blissfest but, holy crap, I got a full scholarship to Tin House. If I don't get it, depressing, but there's Blissfest instead. Win-win situation. Anyways, for a while I was having a tough time writing a letter that wasn't going to sound like everyone else's letter (Topic: "How will you use the workshop?"), but then I came up with something and I'm really happy with it now. It's fun and self-deprecating.

Just mere days after telling Rob about how Who's Who is a total scam, what do I get in my box at work? A letter from Who's Who.
Dear Laura,
We are thrilled to inform you that you are being considered for inclusion in the 2007-2008 Who's Who in Executive Women, Honors Edition

Clearly some thought is being put in these nominations, because I am nothing if not executive.
I put the letter in a frame and put it up on the corner of my desk for everyone to see, which is an improvement because that frame has been empty with the picture that came in it in there for the past 5 months (It's a lady holding a baby and I tell everyone the baby is mine.)

Speaking of which, the one picture that I do have in a frame on my desk is a picture of my parents and me at my wedding. One of the kids that I really like comes in and says "Woah, Miss W., that picture was taken a long time ago, wasn't it?" I say "Umm.. no. It was taken less than 3 years ago." He says "You look a lot younger in that picture."
Oh, great, so I look haggard now? Thanks for letting me know about that. I'm ancient. I am an ancient guidance office secretary. Life is awesome.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Here it is.

We. love. this. house.
We went to the open house today and it's basically the cutest thing of all time. The red room is my office (plenty of windows), the blue room is the guest room, and Rob and his noise-making is relegated to the basement (his choice).
The master bedroom is awesome.
Now all we need is to seriously talk them down. What's nice for us (and bad for everyone else) is that Kalamazoo's economy is crap-o right now and there are 20,000,000 houses on the market.
We'll see, we'll see.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

I will tell you this story once and then we will never speak of it again.

Today my run camp for the 1/2 marathon started. But I didn't get to run. We're standing in the gym stretching and I turn to my group leader and ask where the bathroom is and she tells me and so I go and stand in line at the bathroom.
When I come back, my group is gone.
My running group forgot about me and left while I was in the bathroom.
And you can't just catch up because there are like 300-some people there and they're all in different groups and running different paces and distances.

I'm getting a new running group.
Again, do not bring this up because I am only half laughing about it.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

(1) This is the funniest thing of all time.

(2) Got really tired at 7:30 and fell asleep for 2 hours. Now I can't fall back asleep. Crap!

(3) New word today!
Drop (verb):
Doing a urine sample for a drug test.

As in:
"Why are you out in the hall?"
"I gotta drop"
"You gotta drop what?" (They're doing schedule changes right now, so I'm thinking he wants to change classes, right?)
"I gotta drop"
"You gotta drop what?"
"No, Miss W! I'm waiting for my P.O.! I gotta drop! Pee in a cup??"

Good to know, good to know.

Monday, January 22, 2007

Not Enough to Warrant A Blog Alone, But Together... Still Not Enough.


(1) Update: Still no one parking in my carport. Luckily for them.

(2) My boss is having a baby in a month or so. I told her she should name her Champagne Alize. She seemed interested.

(3) What do you guys think about this house? True, it's kind of small. But it's in a super good neighborhood. And most importantly, it's in my price range. Which is to say they're giving it away.

(4) I got a doctor today. She's awesome. She's so hip she doesn't even wear the lab coat.

(5) Ran like Jackie Joyner Kersey (sp?) all week. I have to keep saying this on here to keep myself going. Next week? Upgrading to 3.5 miles.

(6) Seriously need some new workout songs for my runs. Tried ITunes Essentials mixes. They are lame like Michigan is cold.

(7) I will be sad when I get a new job because the people I work with are hilarious and fun. Don't get me wrong, not so sad that I'll stay, but sad nonetheless. The lady down the hall from me sings songs from Little Mermaid in her office. It's like I was born to work here.

(8) Oh, God, what a depressing thought. Revision. It's like I was born to work here for a little while and then find something far, far better.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

THIS IS MY 500th Post!!!

I asked Rob if, for my 500th post, he would make it so my blog played music and confetti dropped down the screen. But he didn't. Please insert your own confetti.
Speaking of Rob, I feel it necessary to document our conversations here so that, should I ever go crazy on him, everyone will have seen it coming.
R: I have a stuffed up nose
L: I know
R:What do you mean you know? You're stalking me.
L:... no, Rob. You just sniffled.
R: Whatever. Stop...knowing things about me.

Bad, bad, Leroy Brown
Today we took Rob's car in to get the seat fixed and they called us back a little later and said that the seat was seriously busted and they couldn't fix it. They suggested that we go to an auto salvage place and get a new one, to which I said, where the heck is a junkyard around here. You know junkyards are around, but you never notice them until you need something. I, for one, have never been to a junkyard. Luckily, in this day and age, we have the handy dandy Yellow Pages. I couldn't come up with a better word than 'junkyard', so I typed that in and voila! a bunch of places popped up.
So we go there.
Think a minute about every stereotype you have about junkyards and the people who work there. Okay, that's where we went today. We walk in there's (1) quiet creepy guy who stares at us and says nothing (2) Old renegade guy wearing a motorcycle skull and crossbones shirt, missing a few teeth, smoking like it's his job. There was even a freaking junkyard dog. All over the walls, there are pictures of Harley's with skulls super-imposed over them.
Rob is like "This is your next story. This is a story waiting to happen."
Except that I couldn't write a story about it because everyone would say, that's a really stereotypical description of a junkyard and I would end up being one of those people who says "but it's all true!"
We got the seat ($30!) and then we take it out to my car and I say to Rob
"I don't want your seat in my car"
We put down newspapers.
Rob refuses to sit on it until we buy a seat cover.
Please, though. The damn car only cost $4,000 to begin with, we're not going to spend $500 on parts and labor for a brand new seat.
Probably Rob will get scabies, but that's the price you pay, plus, they're totally treatable and we have insurance to cover the cost of prescriptions, but not so much to cover the cost of new car seats.

Territory

So at the beginning of January I gave up my carport because it was $40/month and there was no snow, hence no need for a carport. Then, of course, it started snowing. But I decided that it wasn't worth $40 and I would just have to get up a few minutes earlier to clear off my car (ha!). But now, I'm like the jealous ex-girlfriend. I think that carport belongs to me. Every time I pull in, I look to see if someone else has rented the carport. Sometimes, I look out my window to see if someone has parked there.
Needless to say, I have problems letting go.
So far, no one has been parked there, but I'm a little worried to see what will happen if someone eventually does.

Something about Friday nights makes me want to sleep, sleep, sleep. But, I made myself get up and go out tonight, mostly because it was Heather's birthday and you don't just cop out on a person's birthday, and I ended up having a really good time. Plus, there was cake.

Currently feeling: exhausted
Currently reading: Empire Falls by Richard Russo (before I see the movie, even!)
Currently looking forward to: sleeping in on Saturday, Sunday and Monday
Netflix movies for the weekend: Quincenera and The Last Kiss
Miles run so far this week: 6
Miles left to run: 3

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Shoop Shoop

There's this guy I work with. The word for him would be curmudgeon, which was one of our 9th grade English vocab words. Dude does not like anyone.
But he loves Whitney.
Ohhhhh how he loves Whitney.
If he's playing music in his office, it's Whitney. He owns the Waiting to Exhale soundtrack, The Bodyguard Soundtrack, and whatever album has The Greatest Love of All, and he's got them on rotation.

Do you think he knows about Whitney and the crack? I wonder if he's seen the Whitney/Bobby reality show. Part of me, the mean part, wants to tell him about it when he's being unfriendly, but I don't think he'd take it well.
I can't crumble a life like that.
What it reminds me of is the Lee/Anderson Cooper debacle. Stay strong, Lee, there's no proof.

Tonight I got to play a Wii! It was fun, though I sucked at it. Dr. Mario is my only true video game love.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Dear Ann Patchett:

I do not agree with most of your choices for Best American Short Stories of 2007. But, considering you have published 5 or 6 best selling novels and I have published...
Well, I wouldn't worry too much about it, is what I'm saying anyhow.

Love,
Laura

January is turning out to be almost as long as the light at Westnedge and Milham. You shouldn't wish days away, but really people, I am bored and I am cold and is it too much to ask for a little sun around here?!?!

Postcards from the Edge turned out to be a lame movie.
Children of Men was good, as long as you're into that apocalypse, were-all-gonna-die thing.

Nothing more to report.

P.S. My favorite new musician

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Me: Someday do you maybe want to get an exchange student?
Rob: Do we get to keep him?

Friday, January 12, 2007

About Movies

Tomorrow I'm going to go see Children Of Men. Half of me thinks it looks really good. Half of me is really worried. Because what it reminds me of, from the commercials and the futuristic thing, and maybe just because it's set in England, is that move 28 Days Later. I HATED 28 Days Later. Zombies are in no way interesting to me.

Do you believe that the Justin Timberlake movie is getting good ratings? This surprises me, but brings me to another question. Why does everyone like Justin Timberlake? I mean, they don't necessarily think he's the greatest thing ever, but I've never heard anyone say that can't stand him.
"Sexy Back" has even grown on me.
Rob has a man-crush on him. Even Joe was saying the other day that he kind of likes him. What exactly is it about him that makes people like him? I think it's because he seems friendly. I would certainly be friends with good old JT. Also, I read on CNN today that he broke up with Cameron Diaz. Then, I went on Wikipedia (I have a lot of time to kill at work) and found this quote from him:

"I kiss people with my soul. I don't kiss them with my mouth."

It made me puke in my mouth a little, so I pretended like I never read it.


Work was insane this week.
Didn't get my KCollege job I really wanted, so I bought myself a plane ticket to St. Louis to see Lily over spring break. Also, I get to fly right out of Kalamazoo.

I kicked ass running this week. Yes, that's right, I ran outside in sub-30 degree weather.
I am going to be a 1/2 marathon badass.

This is all.
Tonight, I have Postcards from the Edge to watch. I heart Netflix.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

2 Great Calls I Got Today.

Call #1:
"Hi. My son used to go to your school, but then he had to go to alternative school instead because he was messing up in regular school. But, a couple weeks ago, he got hit by a police car. Do you think, since he got hit by a police car, that he could come back to your school? His doctor said he would write a note about what happened."

Okay... I'll admit that I was never good in the logic classes, but I'm relatively certain that one thing does not follow another in that reasoning. How does getting hit by a police car get you back into regular schools? What does getting hit by a police car have to do with school?
These are the calls I forward to someone else, basically to whoever's line isn't busy.

Call #2:
Call 2 lady, we'll call her "Luann", called me and left a message so I called her back. No one answers and her voice mail picks up. It's dead for a second and then.. music cues up. Soft core porn music, like the 800 # commercials you see when you're watching TV too late at night.
Voice Mail Message (please supply your own sultry voice):
"Hi. This is Luann. I guess I'm not here right now. But if you leave a message, I'll get right back to you. Leave your name. Holla."
Rob does not believe me that she said holla, but I swear to you, she said holla.
Probably what's going to happen is I'm going to get charged $2.99/minute for calling that lady back and I'm going to lose my job.

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Blah, January.

Tomorrow is the most dreaded of all days, the day I have to go back to work after a 16 day vacation. It's like you actually forget you ever worked when you have time off. There will, however, probably be some good stories.

January.
January is lame.
Here are some things I'm looking forward to, beyond January:

(1) Rob and I planned a trip to Chicago over Presidents Day weekend. More exciting than the trip, however, is the fact that we're taking the train there. I really love the train. Also going to see a show at Second City, possibly the Art Institute, and some other cool stuff I haven't come up with yet. Also planning on running into my pal Oprah.

(2) ALSO planned a mini-trip for Memorial Day Weekend. I'm running the Bayshore Half Marathon in Traverse City and then Rob is going to come up and meet me and we're going to spend the rest of the weekend camping at Traverse City State Park. You should try reserving a campsite online now, it's sweet- they show you a map of all the sites and how close they are to the beach and even if it's a sunny or shady site, and then you get to pick which one you want.

(3) My freaking story is finally finished. A few months ago, a guy called me from a literary magazine that I had sent my story to. He said he really liked it, but he thought it needed another draft. So I've been (slowly) working on a draft and I promised myself I'd finish it before Christmas break was over. Suprisingly, I did. But... when I sent it to him, I got an email back saying he was no longer with that magazine.
It's actually kind of funny.
I'm not really upset about it, because I'm so glad to feel like the story is actually done. He said to submit it to the new fiction editor and explain the situation, anyways. We'll see how it goes...

(4) Rob bought me a lottery ticket and I think it's the jackpot winner.


Also, while I was in the bathtub tonight, I came up with two new inventions, just in case the lottery thing doesn't work out.

(1) Your cellphone should have an adapter that lets it charge through your computer, just like your Ipod does. Rob says to me "I'm sure someone else has already thought of that." Rob likes to stomp on my genius on a regular basis.

(2) I'm going to invent the most comfortable and book-friendly bathtub known to man. The problem is, I want to read in the bathtub. This never works. My book alwaysalwaysALWAYS gets wet. Then the pages crinkle up and I don't want to read it anymore. Yes, I'm that finnicky. This bathtub is going to make it possible to lay back comfortably, without getting your hair wet and without getting your book wet. I'm not sure how that's going to happen quite yet, which makes it less of an invention and more of an idea, but ideas, like knowing, are half the battle.

Aaaannnnddd lastly...
We're now addicted to The Office, which brings our number of shows watched up to 3. Getting the old seasons of television shows from Netflix will somehow be my downfall in the end. It's probably the funniest thing I've ever seen, though.

Friday, January 05, 2007

So I did the sweetest thing ever this week, I set up a vacation fund- Every week, a small sum of money is taken directly out of our paychecks and put into a special savings account. This is the coolest thing of my life.
This should not be so cool for the following reasons-
(1) About everyone on earth does the same thing, I think
(2) It's my own money. It's not like I'm getting extra money in any way.

But it IS the coolest thing because I don't even see the money, so I never have to have any type of willpower and put it aside myself. And at the end of the year... FREE VACATION!!!
Actually, by the end of the year, there will be enough in there that we can either take one gigantic vacation or two decent-sized vacations.
So I spent all afternoon looking up possible destinations. So far in the running...
Hawaii
Somewhere in California
Toronto
Maine
Martha's Vineyard

I don't even have to decide yet, but when I do, BAM! the money's there.
Savings Account.. great invention, or greatest invention?

Monday, January 01, 2007

Rob and I are adopting a new show. Apparently, Heroes is really good. Usually this wouldn't be enough to make me watch it, except that Joe said the magic words. He said it's "Lost-ish". ohhhhhhowilovelost. All the Heroes episodes are online for free. We're starting a Hero marathon tonight. Be there.
Names I Am Happy I Was Not Named:

Daisy
Tasha
Tina
Trisha
Estelle
Betty
Moonunit
Dweezil
Delilah
Daisy. I am uncertain if I could take myself seriously if I was named Daisy. Sorry if I've offended any Daisys out there.