OMG, U R TTLY FIRED!

So I've been going to this massage therapist for about a year now. Shut up, it comes with my insurance and it really does help my back and neck, which are always, always hurting. Anyhow, every once in a while, she'll start massaging with only one hand for extended periods of time. Which would make sense if she alternated hands. But she doesn't. All this time, this has baffled me. Why? What happened to the other hand?
Last night I realized what was going on. She's TEXT MESSAGING. I can HEAR the buttons if I listen very, very closely. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YOU'RE TEXTING WHILE YOU'RE GIVING A MASSAGE?
You know what that makes me feel like? It makes me feel like I go to a truck stop massage place. It also reminds me of that commercial where the girl is getting her hair done and the hairdresser is on the phone the whole time. Chewing gum.

P.S. In reality, my legs would look like tree trunks in that outfit. Thank God I have an avatar.