At the Catholic Services Agency

Instead of calling people 'employees', they call everyone 'co-workers'. I imagine this is some type of 'we're all in this together, we work together' type of thing. But everytime I get a memo that begins "Dear Co-Workers", I can't help but feel like I'm in 1981, with the whole calling each other 'comrades' thing. It actually creeps me out a lot.

Update: Ha. By 1981, I meant 1984. One is the year of my birth, one is a evil society. Easily confused.

How to Have A Sucky Afternoon in 10 Steps

1. Run 4 miles. When you return to your house, pull the key out of your pocket and realize that, though it looks deceptively similar, it is in fact not your house key. It is a phantom key that fits absolutely nothing.

2. Make sure that your husband is gone at some stupid school retreat and that there is no conceivable way to get into your house.

3. Feel sad.

4. Start walking to your friends house, which is relatively near, to get the spare key. Believe that you can find a shortcut, though you have actually only been to her house once and couldn't really couldn't describe it if asked.

5. Get lost.

6. Go down a private drive which is marked like an actual street. Realize that you are on Richy Rich Lane. Feel wierd. Turn around.

7. Somehow plan it so that richy rich red Beamer lady is coming home just as you are walking out of the drive that leads to her house. Don't make eye contact. Feel like you have committed Grand Larceny, though the only thing you have ever stolen was a 25 cent piece of Bazooka from Benjamin Franklin's when you were a kid (sorry, Mom).

8. Walk all the way back and go the regular route.

9. Be cold.

10. Finally get the key and walk home an hour later.

Interesting things I learned from Jessica this weekend

(1) It's so cool I almost don't want to tell anyone else. But, in the interest of the greater good, I will. You should go to etsy.com It's a site where people can sell their handmade stuff. Anything! clocks, photographs, jewelry, note cards, etc.
It's the awesomest.

(2) Have you ever heard of a the Rubber Room? In NY, if you're a teacher and you get in trouble, you basically get administrative leave and have to report to one of the 'rubber rooms' until your case is decided. Rubber rooms are basically big empty rooms where you sit with other teachers all day and do NOTHING. Read this, it's fascinating.

I Can't Wait Until Erin Sees This

She's going to puke on herself. I was going to do my kitchen in this.. I don't know, modern theme? It was nice and all, but I couldn't find any curtains to go along with the whole thing. But I did find these awesome kitschy 1950's flower curtains. So I'm going with that. And I found this. It's simultaneously awesome and COMPLETELY UGLY. I love it. Also, it plays 12 songs.. INCLUDING Fur Elise.
Too late, Erin, I already bought it. Best $14.99 I've ever spent!

Wow.

This is fascinating.

The Call Girl Policy

Okay. So Elliot slept with a prostitute. I 'll be honest with you, I really don't care. Granted, you probably shouldn't sleep with prostitutes. But it's the same thing as Bill- why is this news?
Now, Kwamers, on the other hand, I have a problem with. If you get two people fired to cover up your affair, that's uncool.
And really, even if it is news, does the girl's picture really need to be on CNN? I think no. That girl's mom is going to see that. And it's a bad picture.
Last night I told Rob, listen, I want to give you the heads up way in advance- If you get caught with a call girl, I am not standing behind you at the press conference. I am not saying that I support you. Matter of fact, if someone wants to interview me, I'm telling them that you're a ho. On the record. He said if I get caught with a call girl, he's taking the kids and going to grandma's house. Like a will and life insurance, every marriage should have the firm foundation of a Call Girl Policy. Failure to plan is planning to sleep with a prostitute.

Freecycle yourself a better attitude, rudey!

I use freecycle. It's sweet. What's the awesomest is how you could never possibly guess the crap that people want to take off your hands. Take for instance, the following:
So, about a month ago, we left our recycling bin out by the road after it was emptied. Then it snowed. It snowed a lot. At one point, I went out to the curb with a broom and tried to poke the handle into the snow to figure out where the bin was so I could start digging. No luck. Anyways, it was there for about a month, which meant no recycling.
Meanwhile, things are piling up, which is all fine and good, except for one thing: wine bottles. Rob and I have a glass of wine with dinner each night. If you do the math, if two people have a glass of wine each night, you will go through 3.5 bottles of wine a week. Even that makes you look like an alkie when you put it out to the curb. But after a month? Now you just look crazy. So I'm going, great, I can recycle now, but it looks like we're winos.
Enter freecycle.
This lady posts on there: "Wanted: empty wine bottles". I don't know maybe it's for a craft project. The point is, I'm still recycling the bottles, but my neighbors aren't planning interventions. Brilliant.
But then there's this guy this week who posts: "Wanted: land line phone". I'm like, huh, we've got a nice cordless, caller ID, answering machine phone wasting away in the basement. Why not."
So I offered it to him.
Except now he's being all rude. It's like this: Someone gives me a phone that's about a year old and cost about $50, I'd be like THANKS! I told him he could pick it up Tuesday and he said that wouldn't work, so I said "You can pick it up between 5-7 on Wed or Thur". His email back: "Maybe Wednesday. I need an address".
I'M SORRY! AM I PUTTING YOU OUT? IS MY GIVING YOU A PHONE A BIG HASSLE? HOW ABOUT A THANKS? Why is it that empty wine bottle lady is like "That's perfect! Thanks so much!", but phone guy is all "I'll let you know if that fits with my yoga schedule".