Laura, what's the point of having a blog if you're not going to write on it.

As Min not-so-delicately pointed out, it's been awhile. I apologize. I'd like to say that I've been doing something. But I haven't. I just forgot.

So.

I want to talk about that Shorty I Could Take You There song.
Usually the radio is just on as background noise in my car, but every once in a while I make the mistake of actually listening to the lyrics. I suppose that listening to the lyrics of any Sean Kingston song is a big mistake. In the future, I think he should just read the newspaper to a catchy beat. It would be better, Sean. Trust me on this.
In case you were ignoring the actual lyrics like I was, here's the first verse:
We can go to the tropics
Sip pina coladas
Shorty I could take you there
Or we can go to the slums
Where killas get hung
Shorty I could take you there

So. Sean. What you're saying to me is, either you can take me to Jamaica and we can hang out on the beach and drink cocktails... OR... you could take me to the ghetto. Where (according to you) 15 year olds have guns and "killers get hung".
See, Sean, I'm confused. It feels like a trick.
Every once in a while, I use this trick on my husband where I'll give him two choices. I will say on date night, for instance, "Rob, either we can go see a play.. or we can play cards." Rob does not like to play cards. That's mostly because he never wins and he's a poor sport, but that's a whole different blog. The thing is, Rob hates going to plays SO MUCH that ANY OTHER CHOICE ON EARTH sounds like the BEST. IDEA. EVER. So, he's like "Cards! That sounds great! Let's play cards!", whereas, had I just said "How about we play cards?" Rob would have said "I don't LIKE cards". Should you like to use this technique in the future, I will also mention that you have to put the terrible choice first. That way, he thinks for a split second that he's going to have to sit through a play, so when you offer the second, still-not-appealing option, it feels like he's narrowly escaped something horrible.
But this is where my confusion comes in, Sean.
Because ONE of those options (I'll let you guess which) is very UNappealing, while the other is very APPEALING. The game is supposed to be a lesser of two evils thing, but there's only one negative here. See, I would choose the tropics, even if you had offered another option that I actually like- say, watching movies in bed all day or camping or eating a lot of ice cream. So, you didn't have to offer me a really bad option to get me to choose it. But you did...
What this leaves is one of two possibilities:
1. You really, REALLY suck at this game.
2. You're up to something.

And that's why, Shorty, I think you should choose the slums. He THINKS that you're going to choose the tropics, obviously, which means he WANTS you to choose the tropics.
Or maybe that's just what he wants you to think...

Which is why my final advice is this: Stay home. Break up with him and stay home. Screw him and his manipulative, mental warfare.