HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO ME, CAUSE I'M SO FRIGGIN HAPPY.

1. Me: Rob...
Rob: Yes?
Me: ... I don't look like a man do I? I mean, I'm not mannish, right?
Rob: ... define 'mannish'
Me: Rob...
Rob: Not an unattractive man

Hey! Remember that part in the ceremony where they say 'Does anyone object'? THANKS EVERYONE. Although, perhaps I SHOULD be thanking you, because apparently I'm so MANNISH that no one else would have married me.

2. Yesterday was our five year wedding anniversary and Rob took me to McDonald's on our way to KC and Aubrey's wedding, where we were taking pictures. And I got to get a combo. That's what five years gets you. Next year: a McFlurry.

3. I've been going to the library to get kids books to read to Brady. Okay. I've got a few favs. Click, Clack, Moo: Cows That Type is stellar. Such sassy cows! I also enjoy anything involving that sassy pigeon who wants to drive busses and stay up late. The other day I read a book about a squirrel with social anxiety disorder, which I also enjoyed. There are people out there writing kids books who understand that adults have to read the damn books TO the kids and don't want to die of boredom. And then.. there are others.
Some major offenders in the "What's Up With This Book?" category:

1. Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile
What the hell is a crocodile doing living in an NY apartment? Let me tell you a story. When we lived in NY, I remember a news story about a woman who was keeping a tiger in her bathroom and was mauled to death by it. Probably because she read Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile as a child. After I read it, Brady and I had a discussion about why wild animals belong in the wild or at the zoo. CROCODILES ARE INSTRUMENTS OF DEATH. And they don't go grocery shopping with New York housewives.

2. Runaway Bunny
Basic premise: Bunny wants to run away. Scary mom bunny is like "If you leave, I will find you.."
Baby bunny: I'll hide out at sea
Momma bunny: I'll become a boat and sail out to find you!
Baby bunny: I'll hide in a cave!
Momma bunny:I'll get a head lamp and go splunking!
Baby bunny: I don't want to go to school, I want to do drugs with my friends!
Momma bunny: I will hunt you down, baby bunny! I will hire a private detective, and when he finds your strung-out, Good Charlotte-listening, dumpster-diving butt sleeping on your best friend's back porch, he'll grab you and send you to a wilderness camp where you'll have to eat lentils and cry before they let you come home!
YOU'LL NEVER ESCAPE ME BABY BUNNY!
Woah, mom. I wonder why he wants to run away. Maybe it's time to take up knitting or join MOPS or something.

3. Giraffe and a Half
I got halfway through this one and wanted to kill myself, but I thought that quitting would be a bad lesson to teach Brady. He would get to be eight or nine and want to quit T-Ball halfway through the season or trade the violin for the clarinet (only acceptable if you're my sister and THAT astonishingly bad at violin), and it would all be because I didn't finish Giraffe and a Half. So I kept reading. But I told him that this had better not become his favorite book.


4. A bone to pick with Goodnight, Moon
I'm down with Goodnight, Moon. But I've got one problem. Goodnight bowl of mush? That, my friend, is filler material. Like in a song where you need something to rhyme and you cant come up with anything, so you make up something random. You can't just make a bowl of mush appear out of nowhere to suit your rhyming purposes. Who's mush was it? And why didn't they take the bowl out to the kitchen and wash it out if they were done with it?
Other things you could have said goodnight to, other than mush:
Goodnight, lush.
Goodnight, Orange Crush (yum)
Goodnight, Rush (the band. I envision this as being the ONLY pop-up page in the 2009 version of Goodnight, Moon. You're reading along, saying goodnight to the old lady in the chair and all the sudden, POW!, there's 3D pop up of Rush on your page. I'd pick out a song for them to be singing, but I couldn't name a Rush song to save my life.)
Goodnight, thrush (a common baby disease, might as well say goodnight)

Or, just don't say goodnight to the brush.

OR- switch the comb and brush.
So, now it says "Goodnight, brush. Goodnight, comb."
(Goodnight, Pontiac Silverdome.
Goodnight, Nickelodean Floam (do you remember that stuff??))
Goodnight, friendly garden gnome)

Anyways, now I'm reading him Harry Potter. Less confusion.

5. I'm done. I'm exhausted. Goodnight, bowl of mush.