Wax Lips

Today I got to thinking about wax lips. Do you remember those? There was a tiny little thing to bite on and then it looked like you had Mr. Potato Head lips. That's all fine and good. Except, we ate them. We ate wax.
Why did we eat wax? And we thought it was good.
No, scratch that.
We bought wax, and then we ate it.
We were some dumbass kids.
Now, Big League Chew, that was a WHOLE other story. Big League Chew remains, to this day, sweet. What was so awesome about big league chew was, there was no portion size. With gum, Bubble Yum, for example, you were restricted to the one piece, or you thought you were wasting your gum or being a pig. But Big League Chew, you could eat the whole freaking thing until your mouth was stuck open and, technically, it was basically still one piece.
Also sweet- candy cigarettes.

The Saddest of All Stories
I was told today that I could not have my chihuahua. Were you aware that chihuahuas only have a 4-hour bladder capacity and, therefore, cannot live with people who work for 8 hours a day? I was unaware.