Things I Suck At

Math
Doing what other people want me to do when what they want me to do is stupid
Not doing what I want to do, even if what I want to do is stupid
Euchre
Not buying lattes
Driving a stick shift
Sitting in a chair for 8 hours
Being sociable
Not swearing
Not making a joke out of everything
Spelling 'museum'
Returning emails and calls, despite the fact that I really enjoy getting them
Chess
Sitting through movies
Shoveling my driveway
Getting places on time
Punctuation
Reading anything 'classic'
Fixing electronic things
Being patient
Not making a joke out of everything
Not looking up spoilers and ruining Lost
Beating Jen at Dr. Mario
Not beating Rob at Dr. Mario
Science

If your like me- someone who was never really that cool to begin with and is slowly getting older and towards that late twenties age where you're not really up on slang and whatnot- I'd like to make a suggestion. Urban dictionary, my friend. Say, for instance, you were listening to this song and they said 'lay the pipe'. I, for one, am not cool enough to know what that means. Well, my friends, as you may have guessed, it means sex. Now I know. It could have been a bad situation, had I misunderstood this word. For instance, let's say I thought it had something to do with skateboarding, like a half pipe. And then I say to someone, "Man, Tony Hawk can really lay the pipe!" That would have been awkward.
Thank you Urban Dictionary.
I also now know that a 'creeper' is that nasty old guy who hangs out in bars and tries to talk to college kids.
If you don't have a word to look up, they also have a random sampling on the front page.
I would like to mention, however, that knowing what a word means and actually using the word are two totally different things. Under no circumstances do I suggest that you use a word, even if you know what it means.
You will sound like a fool.

If you take that train under water, we could talk it through...

Feeling Bright Eyes nostaglic this evening.
Wrote a shitty story. But, the good news is, I actually finished a full draft which is virutally unheard of lately. It's a start.

Ran 8 miles yesterday. In 7 degree weather. Go me.
I think the weather is breaking now- It was an astounding 35(!) degrees today. It inspired me to finish painting the kitchen, which is currently sporting three different trim colors. I went out and bought the paint, but by the time I got home and went running and took a shower and ate dinner, the enthusiasm had faded. Maybe tomorrow. Actually owning the paint is the first step.

Next week is Spring Break. Hallelujah.
I like the way hallelujah is spelled. I also like the word 'buoyancy'. Also, the city "Ishpeming".

That's all I got.

I think that an evil part of my brain is trying to keep me down by preventing me from ever thinking about anything of importance. This would be the song portion of my brain. Often, I will find that I have made up a little nonsense song in my head and that I'm singing it over and over again in my head, like background music. This keeps my brain occupied. For instance, today's song, which I just realized I was singing, is this:
Good Morning!
Good mor-ning-mor-ning-morNING!
Good MORning!
I have been singing this over and over in my head for at least the last hour and half that it took me to drive to Lansing. Imagine everything that I could have accomplished in that time, had I utilized my full brain potential.

On a side note, I like that Ann Coulter is beating out Charlie Manson as the scariest person in the poll.

Dear brand new Venus Embrace,
You're still a razor. There's only so much you can do with blades and a handle. Relax. Accept yourself. Love yourself. No need to be constantly reinventing yourself as the same thing.
Love,
Lola

Schadenfreude

For your enjoyment, I offer you the mental picture of Rob and me, in the driveway, trying to push his lifeless POS car into the street (in neutral) so that it can be jumped back to life. Also keep in mind that we don't so much shovel our driveway, so the snow has melted and then reformed as ice, which we now get to push the car over.

Also, Rob won't let us push too fast because the old lady across the street is shoveling her driveway (yes, 80 year old women shovel their driveways, but we dont), and he's convinced the car is going to go barreling down our driveway, cross the street up into hers and kill her.

Hope that gets you through your day.

Curious What My Top Three Favorite Books Are?

You should have just asked

1. The Catcher in the Rye
2. The Virgin Suicides
3. White Teeth

Right now I'm reading Freakonomics which is fascinating. Fascinating.
I want to know what your top three favorite books are. I am asking.

The other day I went to the library and got some audio books for my commutes to Lansing and Grand Rapids. On a side note, I think I literally have something like 25 items checked out of the library right now. Anyhow, I like to get mellow stuff for the car, because a lot of the time I'll zone out and when I realize it, I have no idea what's going on in the story anymore So, I got a Jodi Picoult book.

My bad.

This has to be some of the worst writing ever. And I quote, "He made her feel like a piece of ripe fruit about to fall off the branch."
I about crashed the car when I heard that.
My hatred is only partially fueled by the fact that she makes an actual living off of writing.

Lola as Movie Critic

First, you should read Joe's blog about how lame and copycatty all the movies are now. Totally true. One Missed Call= The Ring= Japenese Ring= come on people. Speaking of copycatty, I'm also going to write about movies.

I really liked Juno. A lot of people didn't. I thought it was over the top in places (some of the dialogue= completely unbelievable), but creative and funny and extremely enjoyable overall. What I didn't like about the movie was the music. Hands down the most obnoxious music ever.

Last night we watched "In the Land of Women". When I told Rob what we were watching, he about killed himself. But if you know Rob, then you know that the minute the t.v. is on, he in entranced.

It actually wasn't bad. The grandma was dumb, the premise of him being in MI wasn't great, Sofia was dumb. The dialogue was really good. We were really afraid it was going to be The Upside of Anger all over again. If you didnt see The Upside of Anger, allow me to ruin it for you: This woman is all angry because she believes that her husband left her for his secretary. She's bittery mcbitterton, and then in the end it turns out that he didn't leave her at all, he actually was out back in the woods behind their house and fell or something (? I don't remember, exactly) and died, and no one found him for a year.

Right. Great premise. And then I ask you, where was this guy's car? It took place in MI, so there's a 99% chance that he was driving himself around, as opposed to taking the subway or a taxi. So where's his car? The answer is, if he was at home, his car would be at home. And if his car is at home, you don't even consider the possibility that he might be there too? You don't look around? Not even in the woods behind the house where he frequently walks the dog? You just assume that he left you? Sounds to me, my friend, like you are a schizo.

Friday= Vantage Point, which I have been looking forward to for many months and had better not disappoint.

I just re-signed up for Netflix, because I felt as if Blockbusteronline was jacking me by charging $30/mo. I don't have time to watch $30 worth of movies, so maybe it would be a good deal for someone else, but not so much for me. Anyhow, Netflix has this sweet "watch instantly" thing, where you just press play and BAM! there's your movie.

Going to see Avenue Q this afternoon!

Sleepless in Seattle is no longer even plausible. First of all, they would have met on the internet. Second, Meg would have gotten to the top of the Empire State Building on Valentine's Day and Tom would have turned out to be a psychopathic killer. Who looked nothing like his profile picture.

Come to think of it, the idea of someone being at the top of the Empire State Building afterhours post-9/11 is completely implausible.

Well, there you go. Nice job, world, way to wreck everything. On that note, Happy Valentine's Day.

This reminds me of a story. Looking through the Sunday paper, I saw an article about one of my kids from last year who was (apparently) involved in a carjacking last week. I'd like to preface this by saying that no one deserves to get carjacked. I'm not blaming the guy, really. But here's the scenario: It's night time, you're driving along, and two guys you don't know flag you down and ask for a ride.
And you say... yes?
Come on, guy. It's not 1950. I'm not even sure that was a good idea in 1950.
Unless you're a cab driver, no one should be getting in your car. I applaud your desire to lend a hand, but,you know.

Pocket O'Yum

There are so few quality food products out there that I feel as if I need to formally endorse Lean Pockets. Lean pockets, which I had for the first time ever today, are delicious. Try the Three Cheese Chix Quesadilla. To be honest, they were a last resort; I bought them for Rob, but when I left work to get lunch and let Penny out, they were the only thing in there.
They don't taste lean, but don't be fooled; they aren't as lean as you think. I ate both of them and then looked at the back of the box and realized that the portion facts were only for one. But, I figure they're still leaner than if I had eaten the regular hot pockets, which are the same size.
Go get yourself some lean pockets.

My new part-time job. What to say? Everyday I load up my "I heart Planned Parenthood" bag and head off to the catholic services agency. I find this funny, but I guarantee you they couldn't care less. I then proceed to do absolutely nothing. 20 hours a week of nothing. I look up pets on Petfinder.com. I check my bank account. I look up real estate that I'm not going to buy. I email. On Monday I planned my class. This seems like a win-win, but the boredom can drive you to insanity. Plus, no one really needs to sit in a chair for that long. Maybe tomorrow I'll run up and down the stairs a few times. That's good for your butt.

My neighbors have a big front window that they always keep open and I like to make up stories about their life. Today, Jose bought Kate flowers. I saw them through the window. However, there were two different vases full. I wonder what that's about. Either Jose loves Kate a lot or Jose did something bad. For the past many weeks there has been an empty milk carton sitting on their counter. This upsets Rob a lot. We get in the car and he's got this agitated look on his face. "Why don't they throw away that milk carton? It's been there for weeks."

I'm supposed to be writing right now. I am just now finishing "On Writing" by Stephen King, which I was very skeptical about, since I don't really think he's an amazing writer. Though, to be fair, I haven't really given him a chance, and I did have to read The Shining for an American Lit class in college and thought it was pretty interesting. Anyways, I really like this book. It has some pretty good advice, the primary advice being that you write everyday for 2-3 hours, and I've been pretty good about that and I think it's made a big difference. I'm currently working on a story where a woman swallows straight pins.

DUDE STOLE MY IDEA!

Cheap. Are you under the impression that I'm thinking for free? NO! I (should) get paid to think up these things.
Fine, then. If you're going to take me for granted like that, that's the last time I save the planet. You make your bed, you lie in it my friend. LIE being the operative word.
I have spies everywhere (good job, Jess)- you won't get away with this.

Twitter

As you can see to the left, I joined twitter. Still though, I don't really understand what Twitter is. I'm telling people what I'm doing all the time and they're following it?
I like the idea and all, but the truth is that I'm just not really all that interesting. After a while, I may need to start making things up. Please don't be offended if I lead you astray.

I like the word 'twitter'.

I also added the "poll" thing, where I get to ask you asinine, irrelevent questions.

You know what's the absolute best? Sharp pencils. There is something so satisfying about a sharp pencil. Same deal with brand new, completely empty notebooks. I felt strongly enough about this that, last week after sharpening a pencil and thinking how nice it was, I opened up my planner and wrote "Things I Love" in the back and, underneath, "sharp pencils".

Quick Update

Tonight I sewed my very first sewing project ever. In case you're unaware, my mom is a sewing genius. I am here to tell you that that is not a genetic trait.
Really, though, I did okay, except that the edges of my bag handle are fraying. I think this is because I didn't 'grade the seam'. I don't know what that means, but it sounded boring and time-intensive, so I skipped it. Now they're fraying. I give them a grade of 'F'.
But really, it's a handbag that has a lining- I feel that that's pretty intricate. I'm proud of myself. Plus, I was making it for my sister, so she's the one that's going to have to walk around with a bag with frayed edges anyways.

I hate taxes. Let's not talk about it.

That's really all I've got today. It's snowing like crazy here. I feel as if it's never going to stop snowing.