How to Have A Sucky Afternoon in 10 Steps

1. Run 4 miles. When you return to your house, pull the key out of your pocket and realize that, though it looks deceptively similar, it is in fact not your house key. It is a phantom key that fits absolutely nothing.

2. Make sure that your husband is gone at some stupid school retreat and that there is no conceivable way to get into your house.

3. Feel sad.

4. Start walking to your friends house, which is relatively near, to get the spare key. Believe that you can find a shortcut, though you have actually only been to her house once and couldn't really couldn't describe it if asked.

5. Get lost.

6. Go down a private drive which is marked like an actual street. Realize that you are on Richy Rich Lane. Feel wierd. Turn around.

7. Somehow plan it so that richy rich red Beamer lady is coming home just as you are walking out of the drive that leads to her house. Don't make eye contact. Feel like you have committed Grand Larceny, though the only thing you have ever stolen was a 25 cent piece of Bazooka from Benjamin Franklin's when you were a kid (sorry, Mom).

8. Walk all the way back and go the regular route.

9. Be cold.

10. Finally get the key and walk home an hour later.