Letters I've Been Meaning to Send

Dear Pharmecutical Companies-
Just read this on CNN. Okay, so I'm not a scientist, I know. So I got a D in Chemistry in High School. Still, I feel like I can confidently say, your product isn't exactly working, you know? Time to go back to the lab..
Love, Laura

Dear Desk I Bought for $5 from Kalamazoo College-
cc: ugly mishapen mattress
piece of crap futon frame held together with tape

I'm sorry to break the news to you but you've all been diagnosed with Terminal Crappiness and have exactly 12 months to live. Please understand, you are only still with us because we are not currently in a position to replace you. But this will be your final home. You've been put on notice, you will never see Michigan again. Enjoy your time here, it is limited. Maybe I'll put you all in the backseat of Rhonda Honda and you guys can do the Thelma and Louise thing.
Thanks and all, but we'll be seeing you.
Laura

So, we're at the track last night at 10, and I'm stretching and we're getting ready to go when this lady comes up to us all exasperated and says "Did you SEE that?!?!" Let me first tell you that the entire time we've been there, this woman has been standing on the side of the track flailing her arms around in some type of bizarre stretch/exercise thingy. Anyways, we're like "what?" and she's like "this homeless man! he was digging through the garbage! he was getting cans out! he was crazed (that is verbatim, she said 'he was crazed')!', he kept running into everything! I was scared!" Okay, I saw this guy, and he was not crazed, he was just collecting cans. But, exactly how do you say that to her? So I'm like "oh yeah?" and she says "I've never seen anything like it!" Rob, unlike me, does not feel the need to be nice to crazies. He says, very sarcastically, "You've never seen someone going through the trash?". So I hit him. This lady then goes on to tell me about how, in a town 20 minutes away, they take hardened criminals from the jails and allow them to come into town on a bus and walk around. She tells me they let rapists and murders out to shop. Eh he. Right lady. Anyways, Rob proceeds to put his headphones on and completely ignore the lady, while I am stuck there for a good 10 minutes while she tells me all about how there are criminals roaming the streets. How do these people find me?

The new apartment is awesome jawsome (copyright 2005, Dan Winther). The internet and cable were hooked up today and there will be pictures, but not right now because there are still boxes everywhere and it'll just look like a giant mess. I have a bedroom. An actual room that I can go into and shut the door, besides the bathroom.
This is real progress, people.