Catch-up Post

I've been a disgrace of a blog writer and now I have to catch up on everything-

(1) Chicago was super fun. We went to the Museum of Science and Industry, the Chicago Institute of Art, shopping (oh! Hello H&M! Long time no see!), out for Chicago-style deep dish pizza and to Second City for an improv comedy show. Here's a few highlights:

(A) We stayed in the hotel from The Shining, I swear to you. It was a really quiet old hotel (but nice), and there was barely anyone in there. One night, I go looking for a vending machine to get some bottled water (did I tell you I gave up pop and candy for Lent? No, I'm not Catholic. Nonetheless, I have not cheated once). The guy at the front desk is like, "Oh you can get some at the bar on the second floor." Bar? Up in the creaky quiet elevator I go. The door opens to the second floor. There is a freaking party going on in there. I have to walk around for a while to find the entrance, but when I do, the bar is hopping, people. It was EXACTLY like when Jack walks into the fourth of july party or whatever it was. Creepy. More disturbing, however, was the price of bottled water. In the Shining, they tell Jack his money is no good there. They did not tell me that. They told me that flipping bottle of water was $4.50!!! IT'S WATER! IT FALLS FROM THE SKY!! SCREW YOU AND YOUR $4.50!
I drank it.
(B) On the way home, the train was delayed 2.5 hours. Funny considering that the ride is only 2.5 hours long. But Rob and I are like, whatever, lets have a glass of wine from the snack car! So we did. Seriously though, you would have thought that it was the end of the freaking world. The guy in front of me says to his wife, "Go get whatever you want from the snack car. I'll put it on my credit card and then I'll send the bill to Amtrak."
I'm sure you'll be getting reimbursed for that immediately, sir.
(C) Saw American Gothic at the museum. Did you know that the women in the picture isn't the farmer's wife, it's his unmarried daughter?
(D) Rode the busses without getting lost once.
(E) Chicago is not a real city. Their cabs are not yellow.
(F) Second City was hilarious.
(G) I would put up some pictures here, except for the fact that we did not take any pictures. That will be nice when we're old and senile.

Everything non-Chicago:

(2) I'm no longer counting miles because Rob bought me a ticket to NY with all of my mile money. Either that or I completely lost track. Either way, I'm going to NY and you don't have to hear about the money anymore, Sar:)

(3) Finished my book "Grab On To Me Tightly As If I Knew the Way" on the train. The author is coming to Western to read tomorrow, so I thought I'd go. I don't think I will anymore. It was by no means a bad book. It was probably a good book. But I just didn't get into it. EXCEPT that it was set in Kalamazoo so I knew all the places he was talking about, which made me feel cool.

(4) Dear Mom and Dad: I'm coming to visit you this weekend. Please get some water going for Cream of Wheat.

(5) It's bad little Danny's bday. I didn't come up with a way to embarrass him in time, though. Which means I'll just do it on a regular day. Last year, I called a pizza parlor in E. Lansing and tried to get them to send him a pizza with "21" written out in pepperoni, but they wouldn't do it.

(6) I guess that's it for the time being.

I have a coldness disorder. I am always, always, always cold. I hate being cold. Every day I say to Rob, "Rob, is it summer yet?" and everyday Rob says "Yes."
But this is just one more fib in his ocean of lies, in which I am drowning.

Someone write that down. That was brilliant.
Row. Row, row your boat.

Tomorrow we are going to Chicago!
I'm most excited about the train ride, honestly.
Also, about staying in a hotel.
Chicago will probably be cool, too. I guess.
So far we're going to the Museum of Science and Industry and to a show at Second City.

And now I am going to bed.

Etc.

(1) John Mayer has crossed the line from very attractive to bizarre looking. When did this happen? It's a shame. A bloody shame. I blame Jessica.

(2) I like reading the newspaper on Sunday.

(3) The Others have a submarine. Chew on that, my friends.

(4) It's flipping February 18th. How did that happen?

(5) Do you know how many miles I ran yesterday morning? SEVEN. Seven miles. Without stopping.

(6) Saw Breach last night. Good. But not great. Entertaining. But not intriguing.

(7) Sara's bday is Friday, but she's going to NY, so I'm not speaking to her.

(8) My niece thinks she's the queen of slang. Tonight she told Erin that "Dinner was off the hook" Do you believe that my seven year old niece not only knows the phrase "off the hook" but can use it correctly?!?!

(9) Every story I write involves a car in some major way. I begin to wonder about this.

(10) Got in to Tin House Writer's Conference, but I can only go if I get the scholarship. But it's nice to get in, nonetheless.

(11) Bought a vacuum today.

(12) Good night and good luck.

A Story About a Robotlady and $34.25

So. Mardi Gras is... this Tuesday? Last Tuesday? Anyhow, Mardi Gras is upon us. Every week at run camp they have little themes and this week was mardi gras. Don't get me wrong, themes are cool with me and all, they're festive. So as I'm standing listening to the announcements, this lady, who apparently is part of the area running association, comes up and offers me a whole bunch of mardi gras beads.
I'm like "No, that's okay, I don't think I'll like running with those on."
She says "Are you sure?"
I say "Yeah, I'm sure."
So she's like "Well, you should at least take some and put them in your pockets."
Okay, all logic aside, logic like "why would I put mardi gras beads in my pocket?", I just don't want the beads. So I tell her I don't have any pockets. Which was a lie. You could see my pockets. She looked at me. I smiled.

Later on, we're out running. Somewhere around mile 4ish, I feel someone coming up behind me so I move over so they can pass me. But they don't pass. I look over. It's crazy bead woman. For your own personal mental picture, please note the following about this lady:
(1) She is uber-skinny
(2) Her hair is fully done and down on her shoulders
(3) She's wearing full makeup
(4) While the rest of us are bundled up in 8 layers of clothes and hats and gloves because it's 18 Fricking Degrees Outside, Bead lady is wearing running leggings and a long sleeved running shirt. That is all. No hat, no gloves.
(5) If you watch Grey's Anatomy, she looks like a super skinny version of that doctor that everyone hates because she's always hugging everyone and trying to 'heal with compassion'

Anyhow, she's running along and she looks over and says "Hi!"
Her hands are full of beads.
She says to me "You know, these beads don't really even bounce when you run!"
I pause. And then I say "....oh yeah?"
I am thinking the following things:
(1) Is this lady a crazy mutant running robot?
Evidence for: She's running outside in the bitter cold with very few clothes on, handing out beads and smiling. The smiling is what gives it away, really. There is no smiling in running.
Evidence against: none
(2) Why is this lady obsessed with me taking these beads???
My hypothesis: As a robot, she has been given an order to hand out beads and cannot carry out her order until I accept the beads.

What's probably going to happen: Bead lady is waiting for me outside my apartment security door as we speak. She is going to strangle me with mardi gras beads and stuff my face full of paczkis until I suffocate. Because no one says no to Mardi Gras. And no one says no to Robot Running Lady.

It occurs to me that I am really tired, but I'm staying up for the sole purpose of finding out if I won the Mega Millions jackpot. And this makes me sad for myself.

"I'm afraid of bears. I think owls are a waste of time." - Stephen Colbert

Stephen Colbert. Funniest man alive? Yes.
Money now owed to me $22.25
Great game I played on Rob: Changed his ringtone to "Foolish Games" by Jewel.
He's not laughing.
I have absolutely nothing to blog about today.

Money currently owed to me by Rob: $13.25
I am beginning to get very tired of my apartment building reeking of pot. Honestly people, I could care less if you smoke pot, but do you ever do anything else? Open a damn window.
P.S. Those candles you're burning? Not covering it up at all.

Disappointed, Not Disappointed

Disappointed:
At work, I listen to NPR. Do NOT tell my sister. I get sooo sick of hearing the same songs over and over again (103) and most of the stuff on the other station is probably a bit much for a high school guidance office, so I started listening to NPR.
I actually kind of like NPR. EXCEPT Prairie Home Companion, which I hate more than anything. That show is so far from funny. That show is like spending an hour with a really un-funny old relative.
Anyways, they were interviewing Sarah Silverman on NPR the other day because she has a new show on Comedy Central. The clip they played sounded hilariously funny, so I downloaded an episode from ITunes.
Not funny.
I was so disappointed.
This is my number one rule of comedy: Bodily functions are not humorous. Burping, farting, peeing, whatevs. They're not repulsive (most of the time), but they're also not funny.
She's too pretend-cutesy for me.

Speaking of comedians, my boss has decided that I remind her of Kathy Griffin. At first, I was seriously offended, due to the fact that Kathy Griffin looks like a drag queen. I have had some pretty bad haircuts in my life, but I don't feel as if I look like a drag queen. Anyways, she doesn't think I look like her, she thinks we tell stories the same way. I am still undecided about the whole affair.
Moving on.

Not Disappointed:
Oh, Lost. Thank god you're back. Where have you been for all this time? Nevermind, nevermind, it only matters that we're back together.

Re-united and it feeeeels so goooooooood.
Re-united cause it's un-derstoooooooood.

A Thing Or Two To Confess

(1) I do not like Sufjan Stevens. I know that I'm supposed to like him, but I do not. I like his name, does that count? I like that he writes songs about Michigan.

(2) I do, on the other hand, like Hall and Oates. What this says about me, I'm not sure.

(3) I ate the plums from the icebox

(4) Lots of times, I go to bed without washing my face.

(5) Also, from time to time, I don't brush my teeth before bed.

(6) And yet, I never, ever, go to bed without taking out my contacts

Snow, Snow and More Snow

All of you who were so upset about no snow back in December are really getting it now. Thanks a lot for that. I was totally cool with the balmy winter.
There is snow everywhere.
Yesterday there was a blizzard warning and Rob and I actually had to come home from running errands because we couldn't see a foot in front of ourselves.
In addition, the wind chill is supposed to be between -20 and -30 tomorrow.
If I don't get a snow day out of this, I swear to you...

Money currently owed to me by Rob: $10.25
I finally talked him into this arrangement where he gives me $1 for every mile I run up until the race. Also, I decided to give myself a 50 cent bonus for every time I run the entire way without stopping.
He's already trying to scam me though, naturally. Such as:
me: Buy me a hot chocolate
him: Okay. I'll buy you a hot chocolate out of the running money I owe you.

Lame. He's lucky I'm not making it retroactive.

Last night we went to the new comedy club in Kzoo, which I can't link to because it looks like someone pirated the page. Eeeeghhhrrrr!
Anyways, it was a good time.