New Years. Lame.

Here comes New Years again. Here is my take on New Years. New Years is and forever will be completely and totally disappointing. It does not matter what you're doing or where you are. You could be with the funnest (yeah, funnest, okay?) people in the world in the coolest place in the world and it's absolutely no different than if you were sitting at home playing Oregon Trail with a bottle of carbonated fruit juice (which I recall as being some of the best New Years ever, actually), because New Years could never ever live up to the excitement.
I can tell you where the worst place in the world to be on New Years is, though. Times Square. Times Square is obnoxious enough on a normal day, do you really want to crowd in there with thousands of people and watch a gigantic glass ball slowly creep toward the ground?
Maybe you do.
I would rather play Oregon Trail and die of dysentary.
The problem is, it's a countdown and so you feel like "ooohhh.. somethings going to happen at twelve! What's it going to be? It's going to be so sweet!"
Even though you know nothing's going to happen, subconciously you still feel like it is.
So, this is my proposal, tenatively called Laura's New Year Plan. What happens is, the government puts aside a budget and we use the money to make something cool happen every year so no one feels let down on New Years. I feel as though this would be the best possible use of my tax dollars.
For instance,
2007- As the ball gets to five, the front swings open (hinges have been masterfully hidden), revealing Tupac, who sings "Dear Mama" and then tells us all where he's been hiding since he faked his death.

I would feel immensely satisfied by this surprise, because I've been telling Erin forever that Tupac is still alive.

2008- Instead of the Waterford crystal ball, a gigantic pinata is lowered over Times Square. People begin hitting it and candy and metro cards and jewerly and Broadway tickets and dolla dolla bills fall out, blanketing Times Square in coolness.

I'm taking suggestions, so please feel free to contribute.
Until all of this goes in effect though, probably the only thing that could make New Year's worthwhile is if Erin called up and told me she was having a baby, like I've been asking for forever.
Take one for the team, Erin. Don't ruin my New Years.