As we've discussed in the past, I am not a social guru. Actually, I make an ass of myself on a daily basis. Something I like to do a lot is start to say a word and then change my mind about what word I'm saying halfway through, so that a lot of nonsense blubbering ends up coming out of my mouth.
For example, I'm leaving the chiropractor today.
At first, I decide to say "Bye"
Then, halfway through, my brain tells my mouth, "No, say 'Night' instead"
So, I end up yelling out, on my way out of the chiropractor's office,
"Bite!"
Then I tell myself that no one heard me, but really everyone did and they're wondering what the hell is wrong with me.
Seriously, people think I have a very polite form of Tourettes.
Speaking of the chiropractor, I think he's trying to brainwash me. They have this little TV in the room while you're waiting and it's all of these informational things and lame quizzes.
First of all, I hate those quizzes because they're like
True or False:
In 500 B.C. Archimedes discovered that music has healing properties.
Come on, guys. What is the point of making that a true or false question? It's obviously true if you put all that detail in there. Why don't you just say "Did you know.."
If it were my office, though, I would make it a true and false quiz and then the answer would be false. No explanation, nothing, just 'false'
True or False?
In Egyptian folklore the three eyed cat represents the trifecta of healing properties, one of which is chiropractic medicine
False.
But anyhow, the point is, I think he's trying to turn me against traditional medicine. All the info today was like "Antibiotics cover up the root of the problem. Chiropractors advocate natural healing" and "Did you know, Antibiotics are associated with cancer?"
A few more visits and I won't let my kids go to the doctor anymore, and they'll have to sit in the hall during birthday parties at school.
It'll be like:
"Mom! I've got a goiter the size of a basketball!"
"Oh, don't worry honey, it's just your spine. You just need an adjustment!"
Moving on...
This is the tree that I cut down.
SINGLEHANDEDLY.
I AM A BADASS LUMBERJACK.
That tree never saw me coming, I started sawing away and it fell over.
Then I put it on my blue ox and we all went out for pancakes.
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4 comments:
Were you having a contest today to see how many times you could write the word "ass". Next time, just write this in your blog," Ass,ass,ass,ass,ass,ass,ass,ass,ass, etc." I'm sure it will be an exhilerating experience. You need a thesaurus. That would go nicely with pots and pans!!!!!!
Normally I got your back Gordo...but I just back over this entry and only counted 3 "ass"es. Two of said "ass"es were as a part of the word "badass" which, let's face it, is a completely separate word and therefore the "ass" in "badass" cannot be counted amongst the "ass"es that do not have a modifier (like "bad") in front of them. Therefore, if you are trying to tell Laura that she uses "ass" too much...then apparently once is too much for Mr. Gordon Winther.
Thank you and goodnight. I'll be here all week.
Listen Woolcock!!! This is a family matter!!!!! With that kind of liberal attitude, I'd never get these people in line. If you want to raise a bunch of nasty, foul mouth children, knock yourself out. But we're Winther's!!! Tall, proud and civilized. Now go back to your depraved college environment!
Tall? You pick 'tall' to describe us? Are you kidding me? You have a wife named 'mini' and you pick tall?
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