An Open Letter to the Biggby Coffee Girl
Dear Biggby Coffee girl,
Listen. It's not that I don't enjoy our chats. Even though you've asked me twenty times whether I'm having a girl or a boy, and whether I'm going to have the epidural (which, just for future reference, is a weird and slightly invasive question), I'm still fine with it. But today you took it a step too far. The comments "You're getting bigger every day" (...thanks?), and "You've got three months left? Are you worried your stomach is going to get really huge?" (Well, I wasn't.. but now I'll go home and cry about it. My husband is going to love you.)? Well, they were a bit much.
I know this is going to come as a shock to you, but we don't know each other. Yes, I know your name. I even know how it's spelled, which brings me to the subject of phonetics and how they failed you, but that's a blog for another day. And yes, you've told me ALLLLLLL about your pregnancy, even went so far as to tell me how you found out you were pregnant (missed period.. usually a tell-tale sign). The truth is, I think you would be shocked by how many women get pregnant every year. It's actually not just you and me. This is the way the world repopulates itself, which leads to coffee drinkers, which is why you're employed, which is why you live another day to haunt me with your terrifying questions. But if you feel that your connection with me has to do with the fact that we've both experienced pregnancy, let me tell you, you've got a connection with a lot of other people. What I'm getting at is, I do not want to have confessional time with you simply for this reason.
What you might also not know is that I avoid you. Constantly. Luckily for me, there are about five Biggbys in this town, and I'll often drive out of my way to go to another one. The only way that I go to yours is if I am almost directly in front of it and a mini-sized Al Gore is sitting on my shoulder telling me that wasting gas to avoid you is WRONG WRONG WRONG, Earth-killer Laura! You're really driving business away. A lot of business, as I drink a lot of coffee. Decaf, unfortunately. Remember that time that I came through the drive thru and, even after you gave me my coffee, I sat there for three extra minutes while you told me about your due date, while a line of cars piled up behind me? You should know that, after I finally escaped, my husband, sitting next to me in the car, said "What the hell was that?" And that, Biggby Girl, is when I knew I wasn't insane. That in fact it was YOU who is insane.
In conclusion, I won't be coming in anymore. Based on the trend of more personal questions each visit, I'm afraid that you're going to eventually ask to deliver my baby. I'm uncomfortable with that. It was interesting knowing you. Maybe just stick to brewing the coffee.
Best,
Laura
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
All About the Grocery Store
I've discovered my #1 pet peeve of all time. It is this:
If you are one of those people who pick up a refrigerated or frozen item, say milk or cheese, then decide later on in the store that you no longer want said item, but you're too lazy to return it to it's refrigerated environment, and so you just drop it on any old shelf, maybe between the Frosted Mini-Wheats and Cheerios... well.. then I hate you.
Sorry, no two ways about it.
People, that is RUDE. Whatever you just put down is RUINED because you're LAZY. Sometimes I pick up after you! This week I returned a poor, scared thawing bag of frozen corn to my grocer's freezer because someone traded it out for CANNED corn (yes, I can follow your evil little thought patterns, depraved members of society.) First of all- really? Canned corn over frozen corn?? Glad I don't live in your house. Canned corn is salty and discolored. Secondly, RUDE! The canned corn aisle is only two or three away from the frozen vegetable aisle!! I'm sure you're busy and all. So busy you probably shouldn't even be grocery shopping. Also, you're probably missing Jerry Springer. Go home.
In Addition:
Why does all of America feel that it's okay to air marital disputes in the grocery store? I kid you not, if you want to see the scary state of marriages in this country, you should just go to Meijer.
Dear fighters:
I CAN STILL HEAR YOU.
EVERYONE can hear you.
Why don't you tell him what a lousy bastard he is in your six inch voice?
I have a lot of personal space issues, so I guarantee you, I am more than six inches away.
Listen, I'm not talking about a little healthy debate. Personally, I like to debate pretty much everything Rob says to me. Keeps him on his toes. I'm talking PROFANITY and LOUD NOISES!
After careful research: The two aisles that seem to produce the most domestic strife:
1. The beer/wine/mixer aisle
2. And, inexplicably, the frozen food aisle (I don't know..maybe because people are cold in that aisle? I, for one, get much crankier when I'm cold)
3. Honorable mention: There's often a ruckus in the cheese/milk/yogurt aisle.
Hopefully this will help you to avoid some confrontations.
Really, though, please stop. You're making people feel weird. Sometimes, I walk into an aisle where people are fighting and for a second I start to turn around, like I accidentally walked in on something. Then I remember that I'm in a GROCERY STORE. Go fight in an aisle where I'm not shopping. For instance, automotive. I'm never in the automotive aisle. Or, the aisle with all the fish tanks. I hate fish.
Also.
Why do the condoms have to be by the toothpaste in Meijer? Because, see, it makes me feel weird about buying toothpaste. It kind of makes me avoid buying toothpaste, actually. Because the condom/toothpaste/pregnancy test aisle are all in the same far corner of my Meijer, and if you're heading that way, it's kind of assumed where you're going. Look, I get it. I'm 27. I should be over it. For God's sake, I'm pregnant, I should REALLY be over it. Buuuuutttt.. I'm not. And I don't want to sue Meijer for my cavities. So let's move the toothpaste over by the body wash, shall we?
And, in conclusion:
Me: I've been spending a lot of time in the grocery store lately.
Rob: That's because you're finally learning your place, baby.
F.u.n.n.y.
I've discovered my #1 pet peeve of all time. It is this:
If you are one of those people who pick up a refrigerated or frozen item, say milk or cheese, then decide later on in the store that you no longer want said item, but you're too lazy to return it to it's refrigerated environment, and so you just drop it on any old shelf, maybe between the Frosted Mini-Wheats and Cheerios... well.. then I hate you.
Sorry, no two ways about it.
People, that is RUDE. Whatever you just put down is RUINED because you're LAZY. Sometimes I pick up after you! This week I returned a poor, scared thawing bag of frozen corn to my grocer's freezer because someone traded it out for CANNED corn (yes, I can follow your evil little thought patterns, depraved members of society.) First of all- really? Canned corn over frozen corn?? Glad I don't live in your house. Canned corn is salty and discolored. Secondly, RUDE! The canned corn aisle is only two or three away from the frozen vegetable aisle!! I'm sure you're busy and all. So busy you probably shouldn't even be grocery shopping. Also, you're probably missing Jerry Springer. Go home.
In Addition:
Why does all of America feel that it's okay to air marital disputes in the grocery store? I kid you not, if you want to see the scary state of marriages in this country, you should just go to Meijer.
Dear fighters:
I CAN STILL HEAR YOU.
EVERYONE can hear you.
Why don't you tell him what a lousy bastard he is in your six inch voice?
I have a lot of personal space issues, so I guarantee you, I am more than six inches away.
Listen, I'm not talking about a little healthy debate. Personally, I like to debate pretty much everything Rob says to me. Keeps him on his toes. I'm talking PROFANITY and LOUD NOISES!
After careful research: The two aisles that seem to produce the most domestic strife:
1. The beer/wine/mixer aisle
2. And, inexplicably, the frozen food aisle (I don't know..maybe because people are cold in that aisle? I, for one, get much crankier when I'm cold)
3. Honorable mention: There's often a ruckus in the cheese/milk/yogurt aisle.
Hopefully this will help you to avoid some confrontations.
Really, though, please stop. You're making people feel weird. Sometimes, I walk into an aisle where people are fighting and for a second I start to turn around, like I accidentally walked in on something. Then I remember that I'm in a GROCERY STORE. Go fight in an aisle where I'm not shopping. For instance, automotive. I'm never in the automotive aisle. Or, the aisle with all the fish tanks. I hate fish.
Also.
Why do the condoms have to be by the toothpaste in Meijer? Because, see, it makes me feel weird about buying toothpaste. It kind of makes me avoid buying toothpaste, actually. Because the condom/toothpaste/pregnancy test aisle are all in the same far corner of my Meijer, and if you're heading that way, it's kind of assumed where you're going. Look, I get it. I'm 27. I should be over it. For God's sake, I'm pregnant, I should REALLY be over it. Buuuuutttt.. I'm not. And I don't want to sue Meijer for my cavities. So let's move the toothpaste over by the body wash, shall we?
And, in conclusion:
Me: I've been spending a lot of time in the grocery store lately.
Rob: That's because you're finally learning your place, baby.
F.u.n.n.y.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Laura's New Years Resolutions
1. I will cease blatantly staying in the fast lane to piss off the asshole who is riding my bumper, despite the fact that I'm clipping along at 5 miles over the speed limit, as my mom recently pointed out that it could lead to me being run off the road and killed in some unseemly manner. Moms: so smart, so right.
2. I will return library books on time. Or, if they're late, I will have at least cracked the cover, considering I'll be paying the fine.
3. I will mop my kitchen floor more often.
4. [this is the space where I promise not to buy coffee every morning, but I'm taking it out already, since I know it's not going to happen.]
5. I will stop doing things like blogging about New Years resolutions in order to avoid school work or writing.
6. I will stop doing things specifically to irritate my sister, such as saving all the dog trading cards out of Penny's dog food and mailing them to her as if she's collecting them.
7. I will charge my phone.
8. I will try to respect the fact that Rob is a vampire and wants the curtains closed at all hours of the day.
9. I will stop being so anti-social, and I'll make an attempt at not being so sarcastic, but it won't work.
10. I will stop letting Facebook consume my every waking hour. I will stop letting Facebook consume my every waking hour. I will stop letting Facebook consume my every waking hour.
1. I will cease blatantly staying in the fast lane to piss off the asshole who is riding my bumper, despite the fact that I'm clipping along at 5 miles over the speed limit, as my mom recently pointed out that it could lead to me being run off the road and killed in some unseemly manner. Moms: so smart, so right.
2. I will return library books on time. Or, if they're late, I will have at least cracked the cover, considering I'll be paying the fine.
3. I will mop my kitchen floor more often.
4. [this is the space where I promise not to buy coffee every morning, but I'm taking it out already, since I know it's not going to happen.]
5. I will stop doing things like blogging about New Years resolutions in order to avoid school work or writing.
6. I will stop doing things specifically to irritate my sister, such as saving all the dog trading cards out of Penny's dog food and mailing them to her as if she's collecting them.
7. I will charge my phone.
8. I will try to respect the fact that Rob is a vampire and wants the curtains closed at all hours of the day.
9. I will stop being so anti-social, and I'll make an attempt at not being so sarcastic, but it won't work.
10. I will stop letting Facebook consume my every waking hour. I will stop letting Facebook consume my every waking hour. I will stop letting Facebook consume my every waking hour.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
I'm Anti-Social and Things I've Grown Tired Of
About the anti-social thing...
Last week I get this idea. I will make cookie trays as Christmas presents. I don't have an money, and we can give them to our neighbors too and blah blah blah. Apparently I was feeling both jolly and domestic. So I make the trays. I make O Henry bars and mint fudge and butter cookies and these.. other cookies. Then I cut them up and put them on plates and put little bows on them and nametags and they look nice. Then I realize that, to hand them out, I'll have to go talk to people. If you don't know why this is a problem yet, you maybe don't know me that well. I don't like talking to people. It has nothing to do with them. It's 100% me and my hermity self. Unfortunately, Rob is also kind of anti-social. I tell him "Go drop off the cookies Rob, I did all the baking." You see I really do want them to have the cookies, I just want them to have them without me talking to anyone in the process. If it were no unbelievably weird, I would stick the plates in their mailboxes. But it is.
Rob and I stand there in the kitchen, making deals. Here's what happens. I eventually have to bribe him. I promise to take him to Qdoba for lunch if he'll take the cookie trays, though I don't really even win that much, because he'll only do it with me, not for me.
And next year everyone will be getting Christmas cards instead.
And things I've grown tired of...
Here was my plan. When I found out I was pregnant, I did some reading up. According to my internet sources, caffeine is pretty much a no-go in the quantities that I drink it. Meaning no more espresso drinks. Okay. But wine.. according to most of the places I went, after the first trimester wine is okay if you drink it in small amounts infrequently. So I look forward to this. I look forward to this for three months as I am drinking absolutely no wine. I am also no longer running, which means that all of my favorite de-stressing things (caffeine, wine, running) are no longer allowed. But then the second trimester arrives. Beautiful, beautiful second trimester. So I start having one glass of wine per week. This is wonderful and satisfying until my doctor says, in no uncertain terms, no. Actually, despite what I've read to the contrary, on the internet and elsewhere, Dr. Doom tries to make it sound like one glass a week is going to result in a retarded baby. So, I stop. No more wine for me. I won't lie to you, it sucks.
But you know what sucks even more than missing all of those things? Coming across articles on pregnancy websites that say ridiculous things like "Instead of having a glass of wine at night, try to find some relaxing alternatives. For instance, take a warm bath or listen to some relaxing music."
I get it. I can't have any wine, or espresso, and I can't do my half marathon training this year. I'm not debating these facts. I'm not even trying to get around them, which is completely unlike me. I've come to grips with it. But don't tell me to go take a #$%^ing bath instead. Really? Have you had caffeine or wine? Have you then, in your little, tiny, full-of-suggestions mind, compared this to taking a bath? One of these things is not like the other, my friend. Your suggestions make me want to punch you. After I punch you, instead of punching me back or seeking medical attention, maybe you could take a nice warm bath. Or listen to some relaxing music. Won't that be nice?
Fool.
About the anti-social thing...
Last week I get this idea. I will make cookie trays as Christmas presents. I don't have an money, and we can give them to our neighbors too and blah blah blah. Apparently I was feeling both jolly and domestic. So I make the trays. I make O Henry bars and mint fudge and butter cookies and these.. other cookies. Then I cut them up and put them on plates and put little bows on them and nametags and they look nice. Then I realize that, to hand them out, I'll have to go talk to people. If you don't know why this is a problem yet, you maybe don't know me that well. I don't like talking to people. It has nothing to do with them. It's 100% me and my hermity self. Unfortunately, Rob is also kind of anti-social. I tell him "Go drop off the cookies Rob, I did all the baking." You see I really do want them to have the cookies, I just want them to have them without me talking to anyone in the process. If it were no unbelievably weird, I would stick the plates in their mailboxes. But it is.
Rob and I stand there in the kitchen, making deals. Here's what happens. I eventually have to bribe him. I promise to take him to Qdoba for lunch if he'll take the cookie trays, though I don't really even win that much, because he'll only do it with me, not for me.
And next year everyone will be getting Christmas cards instead.
And things I've grown tired of...
Here was my plan. When I found out I was pregnant, I did some reading up. According to my internet sources, caffeine is pretty much a no-go in the quantities that I drink it. Meaning no more espresso drinks. Okay. But wine.. according to most of the places I went, after the first trimester wine is okay if you drink it in small amounts infrequently. So I look forward to this. I look forward to this for three months as I am drinking absolutely no wine. I am also no longer running, which means that all of my favorite de-stressing things (caffeine, wine, running) are no longer allowed. But then the second trimester arrives. Beautiful, beautiful second trimester. So I start having one glass of wine per week. This is wonderful and satisfying until my doctor says, in no uncertain terms, no. Actually, despite what I've read to the contrary, on the internet and elsewhere, Dr. Doom tries to make it sound like one glass a week is going to result in a retarded baby. So, I stop. No more wine for me. I won't lie to you, it sucks.
But you know what sucks even more than missing all of those things? Coming across articles on pregnancy websites that say ridiculous things like "Instead of having a glass of wine at night, try to find some relaxing alternatives. For instance, take a warm bath or listen to some relaxing music."
I get it. I can't have any wine, or espresso, and I can't do my half marathon training this year. I'm not debating these facts. I'm not even trying to get around them, which is completely unlike me. I've come to grips with it. But don't tell me to go take a #$%^ing bath instead. Really? Have you had caffeine or wine? Have you then, in your little, tiny, full-of-suggestions mind, compared this to taking a bath? One of these things is not like the other, my friend. Your suggestions make me want to punch you. After I punch you, instead of punching me back or seeking medical attention, maybe you could take a nice warm bath. Or listen to some relaxing music. Won't that be nice?
Fool.
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Fools!
(Things irritating me this week...)
1. I'd like to preface this by saying that VH1 is the only reasonable thing on the TV channels at the gym. Today while I was on the treadmill, "Real Chance at Love"(?) was on. What the hell is this? Have you SEEN this? It's so dumb that its existence actually pisses me off. GIRLS! Why are you after those two? They're not hot! And one of them is REALLY STUPID. Like you're really in love with them? DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR LIFE.
2. On the way out of the gym today, I looked in the Toys for Tots box. Someone put a water noodle in there. I want you to think about that. A water noodle. A pool toy. What are the chances that a child receiving something from Toys for Tots has a swimming pool? I sure as hell didn't have a swimming pool growing up. Which means that, if they don't have a swimming pool, you just gave them a large piece of FOAM for Christmas.
(Things irritating me this week...)
1. I'd like to preface this by saying that VH1 is the only reasonable thing on the TV channels at the gym. Today while I was on the treadmill, "Real Chance at Love"(?) was on. What the hell is this? Have you SEEN this? It's so dumb that its existence actually pisses me off. GIRLS! Why are you after those two? They're not hot! And one of them is REALLY STUPID. Like you're really in love with them? DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR LIFE.
2. On the way out of the gym today, I looked in the Toys for Tots box. Someone put a water noodle in there. I want you to think about that. A water noodle. A pool toy. What are the chances that a child receiving something from Toys for Tots has a swimming pool? I sure as hell didn't have a swimming pool growing up. Which means that, if they don't have a swimming pool, you just gave them a large piece of FOAM for Christmas.
Monday, December 01, 2008
Dear Owners of Restaurants Named "Blimpie's", "Chubby's", "Tubby's", "Fat City" or the Like-
I think you're missing a crucial truth. People don't want to feel fat. Pretty much ever. Even if we know we're making a poor food choice, we like to somehow delude ourselves. But when you name your restaurant something that reminds us that we are in fact eating something with the potential to pack on a few pounds, we avoid you. Like the plague. We go to places like Subway or Panera or even McDonald's; places where the food is just as bad, if not worse, for us. But at least it's not being thrown in our faces. At least we can enjoy our cheeseburger while we're eating it and feel bad about it later. Not so much with you.
I want you to think about your logic here. I like second hand stores. But I don't think I'd name it "Someone Else's Old Stuff they Didn't Want". That would be a bad idea. It's a tad too real. Where's the flowery delusion?
Consider it. Come find me when you've come to a decision. I'll be at Panera. Which sounds French or something, you may have noticed. Makes me feel all exclusive and multi-cultural.
Love,
Laura
I think you're missing a crucial truth. People don't want to feel fat. Pretty much ever. Even if we know we're making a poor food choice, we like to somehow delude ourselves. But when you name your restaurant something that reminds us that we are in fact eating something with the potential to pack on a few pounds, we avoid you. Like the plague. We go to places like Subway or Panera or even McDonald's; places where the food is just as bad, if not worse, for us. But at least it's not being thrown in our faces. At least we can enjoy our cheeseburger while we're eating it and feel bad about it later. Not so much with you.
I want you to think about your logic here. I like second hand stores. But I don't think I'd name it "Someone Else's Old Stuff they Didn't Want". That would be a bad idea. It's a tad too real. Where's the flowery delusion?
Consider it. Come find me when you've come to a decision. I'll be at Panera. Which sounds French or something, you may have noticed. Makes me feel all exclusive and multi-cultural.
Love,
Laura
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
Mookies
So. Last night we decided to make some cookies. Rob thinks I have some kind of magical cookie making abilities, because last time he made cookies they turned out completely flat, like sheet cake flat, and then I made them and they turned out fine. Between you and I, I have no cookie making abiilities whatsoever. I use the recipe off the back of the chocolate chip bag.
Anyways, we get to making them, and we pull them out of the oven...and they're flat. WTF. Maybe there's a problem with my baking soda. We never really throw anything out, and as I was opening a can of beans a few weeks ago, I noticed that it was a brand that was sold at this place in New York where we used to grocery shop. Which means that we hauled that can of beans back here from New York, which makes it at least 2.5 years old. It is entirely possible that this is the case with the baking soda as well.
We sit there and stare at our flat cookies and Rob gets this *brilliant* idea. You're going to need to provide your own visual on this one. Please imagine a little kid on Christmas morning. I hate this stupid phrase, but really, his eyes are like.. shining.
Rob wants to put the cookie batter into a muffin pan. That way, they won't be flat anymore. Muffin cookies.
"So, Mookies?" I say.
So we do it. We put the batter in, put it in for the regular amount of time, voila.
Then things take a turn for the worse.
I don't know about you, but whenever I take muffins out of the oven, I like to turn the pan upside down and let the muffins fall out. There's something really satisfying about bouncing muffins. So I do that.
But it seems that mookies take a little longer to cook than regular cookies. At that point, they were still creme-filled mookies. So I've got a pan full of centerless mookies, and my counter is covered in cookie batter. Which I think is hilarious. I would say I get a kick out of about 90% of the crap I screw up.
So I turn to Rob, laughing.
It becomes clear at this point that I grossly underestimated just how excited Rob was about the mookies. I think maybe he really thought he was on to some kind of culinary revolution here. Like our ship had finally come in, and it was the S.S. Mookie.
Rob is PISSED.
WHY DIDNT YOU CHECK THEM BEFORE YOU DID THAT???
I can't help it, I'm still laughing. Rob is not. There is mookie everywhere.
Eventually, he realizes that he's yelling at me about cookies in a muffin pan and gets over it. Then we try the mookie remains and they're gross. Like cake gone wrong.
And the moral of the story is don't count your mookies before they hatch. And don't haul baking soda around for five years.
So. Last night we decided to make some cookies. Rob thinks I have some kind of magical cookie making abilities, because last time he made cookies they turned out completely flat, like sheet cake flat, and then I made them and they turned out fine. Between you and I, I have no cookie making abiilities whatsoever. I use the recipe off the back of the chocolate chip bag.
Anyways, we get to making them, and we pull them out of the oven...and they're flat. WTF. Maybe there's a problem with my baking soda. We never really throw anything out, and as I was opening a can of beans a few weeks ago, I noticed that it was a brand that was sold at this place in New York where we used to grocery shop. Which means that we hauled that can of beans back here from New York, which makes it at least 2.5 years old. It is entirely possible that this is the case with the baking soda as well.
We sit there and stare at our flat cookies and Rob gets this *brilliant* idea. You're going to need to provide your own visual on this one. Please imagine a little kid on Christmas morning. I hate this stupid phrase, but really, his eyes are like.. shining.
Rob wants to put the cookie batter into a muffin pan. That way, they won't be flat anymore. Muffin cookies.
"So, Mookies?" I say.
So we do it. We put the batter in, put it in for the regular amount of time, voila.
Then things take a turn for the worse.
I don't know about you, but whenever I take muffins out of the oven, I like to turn the pan upside down and let the muffins fall out. There's something really satisfying about bouncing muffins. So I do that.
But it seems that mookies take a little longer to cook than regular cookies. At that point, they were still creme-filled mookies. So I've got a pan full of centerless mookies, and my counter is covered in cookie batter. Which I think is hilarious. I would say I get a kick out of about 90% of the crap I screw up.
So I turn to Rob, laughing.
It becomes clear at this point that I grossly underestimated just how excited Rob was about the mookies. I think maybe he really thought he was on to some kind of culinary revolution here. Like our ship had finally come in, and it was the S.S. Mookie.
Rob is PISSED.
WHY DIDNT YOU CHECK THEM BEFORE YOU DID THAT???
I can't help it, I'm still laughing. Rob is not. There is mookie everywhere.
Eventually, he realizes that he's yelling at me about cookies in a muffin pan and gets over it. Then we try the mookie remains and they're gross. Like cake gone wrong.
And the moral of the story is don't count your mookies before they hatch. And don't haul baking soda around for five years.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
5 Minutes Too Late...
Don't you hate it when you think of something clever to say after the fact? So I pull up to the coffee shop today, and I'm parked behind this big utility van with a sticker on it that says "A vote for Obama is a vote for Osama." Okay, listen. I don't care if you prefer McCain over Obama (well, I mean, I care, but...), but that sticker is just pure ignorance. So I go inside and I see the van leave, and then I think I totally have paper and tape in my car!! Wouldn't it have been sweet if I had made them a little homemade bumper sticker that said "I heart ignorance" and taped it up there beside their bumpersticker? They would have driven around all day before they realized it was there.
Don't you hate it when you think of something clever to say after the fact? So I pull up to the coffee shop today, and I'm parked behind this big utility van with a sticker on it that says "A vote for Obama is a vote for Osama." Okay, listen. I don't care if you prefer McCain over Obama (well, I mean, I care, but...), but that sticker is just pure ignorance. So I go inside and I see the van leave, and then I think I totally have paper and tape in my car!! Wouldn't it have been sweet if I had made them a little homemade bumper sticker that said "I heart ignorance" and taped it up there beside their bumpersticker? They would have driven around all day before they realized it was there.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
On My Honor
1. I went to the dentist yesterday and, yet again, despite the fact that I routinely abuse my teeth, rarely floss, and drink too much coffee, I have no cavities. I swear this time that I will start taking better care of them. I will floss on a (near) daily basis. My luck is about to run out in the teeth department.
2. I could never EVER be a dental hygienist. Forget all of the hands in someone else's mouth stuff. Even worse than that. If your hands are sitting there right outside the mouth, holding the mirror and scrapy-thing, you know that you are getting nose breath on your hands. You know exactly what I'm talking about. The thought of someone nose breathing on my hands makes me want to vomit. I tried to hold my nose breathing to a minimum the entire time I was there yesterday.
3. So, as another entry into my own personal series of unfortunate events, my microwave threw in the towel yesterday. Had the damn thing for seven years, at six different apartments/houses and it chooses to give up now? Anyhow, I was looking on bestbuy.com for a new one... You know, it's been seven years since I bought one, so maybe I'm not up on things, but I happen to remember my parents buying that microwave for me for $60 at Sam's. Stupid Best Buy microwaves are like $200-$300!!! What exactly does a $300 microwave DO? Stupid thing better be a Transformer (robot in disguise) for $300! LISTEN, ALL I WANT MY MICROWAVE TO DO IS HEAT THINGS UP. Keep your robot world domination. Don't you know that microwave popcorn is one of my major food groups? I am languishing without it.
4. I got to photograph the Parcell/Stotts wedding a few weekends ago. My super duper rob-created photo gallery isn't working right now, but here are a few of my favorites:
1. I went to the dentist yesterday and, yet again, despite the fact that I routinely abuse my teeth, rarely floss, and drink too much coffee, I have no cavities. I swear this time that I will start taking better care of them. I will floss on a (near) daily basis. My luck is about to run out in the teeth department.
2. I could never EVER be a dental hygienist. Forget all of the hands in someone else's mouth stuff. Even worse than that. If your hands are sitting there right outside the mouth, holding the mirror and scrapy-thing, you know that you are getting nose breath on your hands. You know exactly what I'm talking about. The thought of someone nose breathing on my hands makes me want to vomit. I tried to hold my nose breathing to a minimum the entire time I was there yesterday.
3. So, as another entry into my own personal series of unfortunate events, my microwave threw in the towel yesterday. Had the damn thing for seven years, at six different apartments/houses and it chooses to give up now? Anyhow, I was looking on bestbuy.com for a new one... You know, it's been seven years since I bought one, so maybe I'm not up on things, but I happen to remember my parents buying that microwave for me for $60 at Sam's. Stupid Best Buy microwaves are like $200-$300!!! What exactly does a $300 microwave DO? Stupid thing better be a Transformer (robot in disguise) for $300! LISTEN, ALL I WANT MY MICROWAVE TO DO IS HEAT THINGS UP. Keep your robot world domination. Don't you know that microwave popcorn is one of my major food groups? I am languishing without it.
4. I got to photograph the Parcell/Stotts wedding a few weekends ago. My super duper rob-created photo gallery isn't working right now, but here are a few of my favorites:
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Riddle Me This
So the parking brake is supposed to be the super-strong brake, right? As in, if you're on a hill and you need extra brakes, you pull out the big guns, the parking brake.
So, if the parking brake is so strong, explain to me why I can drive all over town with it on, without even noticing. I don't think the parking brake does anything. I think it's a sham. We're all being had, people.
So the parking brake is supposed to be the super-strong brake, right? As in, if you're on a hill and you need extra brakes, you pull out the big guns, the parking brake.
So, if the parking brake is so strong, explain to me why I can drive all over town with it on, without even noticing. I don't think the parking brake does anything. I think it's a sham. We're all being had, people.
Friday, June 20, 2008
I feel as if we can be honest here. I am broke. I am broke because, last week, I was at my summer job (which mind you was a sweet gig because it filled the gap between the end of this past semester and the beginning of the coming semester almost perfectly) and my boss-like-person walked up to me and casually said "oh, hey. looks like today's going to be your last day. They cut the funding for your position."
I thought he was joking, so here's me: hahahaha.
FOOL, LAURA! FOOL!
Anyways, no job.
So today we're driving around today and it's like garage sale MANIA. I'm like "Awesome, way to taunt me, because you know I can't spend money on garage sale stuff right now."
But then I see this sign for a book sale.
Book sale! I say. I can go to a book sale! First of all, I love books. It would be fun just to look through them. Second of all, they sell used books at garage sales for about a quarter. Quarters I have. I can do quarters.
So I actually make Rob turn the car around so we can go back to the book sale.
This is a good place to remind you that my eyesight is HORRIBLE. I believe my prescription is +5.75. I bet I'm legally blind.
So, we turn around, and there's the sign for the book sale, HOORAY BOOKS!!, except that just as we're turning, I notice that it actually says block sale. No books. Only blocks.
And so we went home.
I thought he was joking, so here's me: hahahaha.
FOOL, LAURA! FOOL!
Anyways, no job.
So today we're driving around today and it's like garage sale MANIA. I'm like "Awesome, way to taunt me, because you know I can't spend money on garage sale stuff right now."
But then I see this sign for a book sale.
Book sale! I say. I can go to a book sale! First of all, I love books. It would be fun just to look through them. Second of all, they sell used books at garage sales for about a quarter. Quarters I have. I can do quarters.
So I actually make Rob turn the car around so we can go back to the book sale.
This is a good place to remind you that my eyesight is HORRIBLE. I believe my prescription is +5.75. I bet I'm legally blind.
So, we turn around, and there's the sign for the book sale, HOORAY BOOKS!!, except that just as we're turning, I notice that it actually says block sale. No books. Only blocks.
And so we went home.
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Monday, June 02, 2008
Thursday, May 29, 2008
The reason I don't have any of those applications on Facebook where you can give people presents is because they're ANNOYING as all hell. It's like a gigantic tease. For instance, you can give someone a Mrs. Fields' cookie. WHO THE CRAP WANTS A PRETEND COOKIE? When you give me a pretend cookie, I get pissed off because now I want a real cookie, but it's just a MEGABYTE cookie. And you actually get excited for a split second before it registers that it isn't a real cookie. How freaking unsatisfying is that???
Participatory Blogocracy
0. Finish the following sentence in the comments section:
"The truth is..."
1. Dude. Computer is on its last leg. Need a new one. Someone send me $300. Check or money orders only. This blog is not free and it's time to pay up.
1.5 Okay, it's free.
2. WERE MOVING THE ISLAND TONIGHT. And I'm not telling you where we're moving it to. And then I'm supposed to wait until... January?
3. New job = 4 hours/day of me highlighting things. Who doesn't love highlighters? Big bonus: No one in this office talks. It's like my hermit anti-social dream come true. Soon I will discover how to turn my computer just so, so that no one can tell I'm playing Scrabulous all day. And then it will be ON, Dad.
4. My sister is ruining my life by refusing to let me blog about her job.
5. Got a new bike. Biking is hard. I would much rather run five miles than bike five miles. Running doesn't hurt my butt.
0. Finish the following sentence in the comments section:
"The truth is..."
1. Dude. Computer is on its last leg. Need a new one. Someone send me $300. Check or money orders only. This blog is not free and it's time to pay up.
1.5 Okay, it's free.
2. WERE MOVING THE ISLAND TONIGHT. And I'm not telling you where we're moving it to. And then I'm supposed to wait until... January?
3. New job = 4 hours/day of me highlighting things. Who doesn't love highlighters? Big bonus: No one in this office talks. It's like my hermit anti-social dream come true. Soon I will discover how to turn my computer just so, so that no one can tell I'm playing Scrabulous all day. And then it will be ON, Dad.
4. My sister is ruining my life by refusing to let me blog about her job.
5. Got a new bike. Biking is hard. I would much rather run five miles than bike five miles. Running doesn't hurt my butt.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Funniest Things Of My Life. This Week.
1. I never would have gone for Forgetting Sarah Marshall, but Danny told me it was good. I know to listen to Danny's funniness opinions, because they are impeccable, because I spent my whole life teaching him all that he knows. Except the science-related stuff. That stuff is boring and he learned it all on his own. Anyways, the movie was really freaking hilarious. Sometimes, it was hard to hold it together, but I did, because I was simultaneously fearing for my life. I went to see the movie at 2pm, by myself because I wasn't working. I was the only one in the theatre for a while until a middle-aged man walked in and sat a few rows up. From then on, I pictured him sneaking up behind me with a bit of rope and choking me to death, with no one to hear me scream. Luckily, it turned out he was just there to see the movie and not to kill me.
2. Stephen Colbert. again.
Particularly this:
1. I never would have gone for Forgetting Sarah Marshall, but Danny told me it was good. I know to listen to Danny's funniness opinions, because they are impeccable, because I spent my whole life teaching him all that he knows. Except the science-related stuff. That stuff is boring and he learned it all on his own. Anyways, the movie was really freaking hilarious. Sometimes, it was hard to hold it together, but I did, because I was simultaneously fearing for my life. I went to see the movie at 2pm, by myself because I wasn't working. I was the only one in the theatre for a while until a middle-aged man walked in and sat a few rows up. From then on, I pictured him sneaking up behind me with a bit of rope and choking me to death, with no one to hear me scream. Luckily, it turned out he was just there to see the movie and not to kill me.
2. Stephen Colbert. again.
Particularly this:
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Sunday, May 04, 2008
A Thing Or Five
1. To papasan or not to papasan?
The truth is, I do not think that papasan chairs are attractive in any way. But, they are the most comfortable chair on earth. And they're perfect for my sunroom. So. Papasan? No papasan? Form over function? These are the things I deal with on a daily basis.
2. I just beat my dad at Scrabulous
Now he has beat me once and I have beaten him once. The third game will tell who is more scrabtastic.
3. I worry that the rap video girls are going to have serious knee problems when they get older. I don't know if you've ever tried to 'get low', but it's very taxing on your knees. I feel as if whoever sings that song (Is that Nelly? It sounds like Nelly to me. I am so uncool.) shouldn't be promoting it.
4. I love my clothesline. So much.
5. I do not love my flowerboxes, which have failed to bloom.
1. To papasan or not to papasan?
The truth is, I do not think that papasan chairs are attractive in any way. But, they are the most comfortable chair on earth. And they're perfect for my sunroom. So. Papasan? No papasan? Form over function? These are the things I deal with on a daily basis.
2. I just beat my dad at Scrabulous
Now he has beat me once and I have beaten him once. The third game will tell who is more scrabtastic.
3. I worry that the rap video girls are going to have serious knee problems when they get older. I don't know if you've ever tried to 'get low', but it's very taxing on your knees. I feel as if whoever sings that song (Is that Nelly? It sounds like Nelly to me. I am so uncool.) shouldn't be promoting it.
4. I love my clothesline. So much.
5. I do not love my flowerboxes, which have failed to bloom.
Saturday, May 03, 2008
Sunday, April 27, 2008
If You Are Famous For Nothing, You Don't Exist To Me
For example:
Heidi Montag from The Hills. Also, Lauren Conrad. Why are you famous? Why does anyone know your name?
Also:
Paris Hilton
Ryan Secrest
Rob and I can't think of any more examples, but here are the rules: From now on, you must DO something to be famous.
For example:
Act really well!
Write a book!
Sing so wonderfully it makes me want to cry.
Cure AIDS!
Negotiate peace!
I don't care. But getting 20 DUIs does not count, nor does being the call girl that a senator slept with.
Be serious.
Honestly, I'm not even being that hard on you. If you invented the Pogo Ball, I am 100% fine with you being famous. That Pogoball was fun. Who would have thought of that?
Not me.
Which is why I'm not famous.
And I'm fine with that.
For example:
Heidi Montag from The Hills. Also, Lauren Conrad. Why are you famous? Why does anyone know your name?
Also:
Paris Hilton
Ryan Secrest
Rob and I can't think of any more examples, but here are the rules: From now on, you must DO something to be famous.
For example:
Act really well!
Write a book!
Sing so wonderfully it makes me want to cry.
Cure AIDS!
Negotiate peace!
I don't care. But getting 20 DUIs does not count, nor does being the call girl that a senator slept with.
Be serious.
Honestly, I'm not even being that hard on you. If you invented the Pogo Ball, I am 100% fine with you being famous. That Pogoball was fun. Who would have thought of that?
Not me.
Which is why I'm not famous.
And I'm fine with that.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
HOLY. CRAP.
There is this poor teenage girl sitting behind me in the coffee shop who is with her dad for Take Your Daughter to Work Day. I know this because he announced it to everyone when he walked in. And he is embarrassing the HELL out of her. First of all, he is talking SO LOUD. Secondly, he's a salesman of some type and he keeps saying to the person he's talking to on the phone "Can you feel my pain sister? Can you help me out sister?". He is a middle aged caucasian male.
I feel for you, poor girl. If you want, you can come to work with me instead! Basically, what we do is check our email and write stories. And never, ever, do I say "Can you feel my pain, sister."
There is this poor teenage girl sitting behind me in the coffee shop who is with her dad for Take Your Daughter to Work Day. I know this because he announced it to everyone when he walked in. And he is embarrassing the HELL out of her. First of all, he is talking SO LOUD. Secondly, he's a salesman of some type and he keeps saying to the person he's talking to on the phone "Can you feel my pain sister? Can you help me out sister?". He is a middle aged caucasian male.
I feel for you, poor girl. If you want, you can come to work with me instead! Basically, what we do is check our email and write stories. And never, ever, do I say "Can you feel my pain, sister."
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
What Terrifies Me Is...
When people use old farming equipment for decoration by hanging gigantic sycthes on the outside of their garage. What it says to me is "DONT COME NEAR OUR HOUSE OR WERE GOING TO TORTURE YOU WITH WIERD METAL INSTRUMENTS, THEN CUT OFF YOUR HEAD WITH THE SYCTHE!"
More or less, I mean.
And I see it A LOT.
I hope those people don't have kids. Because if we had had that stuff hanging on my garage when I was a kid, I would have had a scythe straight through the middle of my head in no time.
When people use old farming equipment for decoration by hanging gigantic sycthes on the outside of their garage. What it says to me is "DONT COME NEAR OUR HOUSE OR WERE GOING TO TORTURE YOU WITH WIERD METAL INSTRUMENTS, THEN CUT OFF YOUR HEAD WITH THE SYCTHE!"
More or less, I mean.
And I see it A LOT.
I hope those people don't have kids. Because if we had had that stuff hanging on my garage when I was a kid, I would have had a scythe straight through the middle of my head in no time.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
What Creeps Me Out Is...
When I write something, say, the beginning of a story, and when I open the file up a few days later, I have absolutely no recollection of anything I wrote.
Also, John McCain's wife.
Right. There used to be this post here about what does 'it went down the wrong tube' mean. Then I was talking to Rob about it. Turns out you have both a food pipe and a wind pipe and they're seperated by a flap of skin, and apparently this is common knowledge. And I'm an ass. I don't usually erase posts, but I was feeling a bit embarrassed about that one. Forget it ever happened.
When I write something, say, the beginning of a story, and when I open the file up a few days later, I have absolutely no recollection of anything I wrote.
Also, John McCain's wife.
Right. There used to be this post here about what does 'it went down the wrong tube' mean. Then I was talking to Rob about it. Turns out you have both a food pipe and a wind pipe and they're seperated by a flap of skin, and apparently this is common knowledge. And I'm an ass. I don't usually erase posts, but I was feeling a bit embarrassed about that one. Forget it ever happened.
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
Literally.
I am here today to talk about the abuse of the word 'literally'. This is a serious social problem plaguing our society. You can not just throw it haphazardly into any old sentence. Take, for instance, this conversation overheard today in the LCC cafeteria:
"Trust me, man. You don't go to that class, it will bite you in the ass. Karma is literally a bitch."
The only way that I can think of for that to be a good use of literally is if the professor of that class is named Karma.
I do not believe that that is the case. If it is, I will most certainly apologize
I am here today to talk about the abuse of the word 'literally'. This is a serious social problem plaguing our society. You can not just throw it haphazardly into any old sentence. Take, for instance, this conversation overheard today in the LCC cafeteria:
"Trust me, man. You don't go to that class, it will bite you in the ass. Karma is literally a bitch."
The only way that I can think of for that to be a good use of literally is if the professor of that class is named Karma.
I do not believe that that is the case. If it is, I will most certainly apologize
Monday, April 07, 2008
Here's the post where I hate on songs
Everyone loves that "Love Song" song. It's nice and all, but here's my problem: the only reason that 'today' comes at the end of the verse is to rhyme with 'stay'. I HATE that. I HATE when you can tell someone is trying to rhyme. If she wrote the exact same song and didn't need to rhyme with 'stay', she would have left 'today' off. Because it doesn't sound right. And so I banish this song.
End of story, the decision has been made.
Everyone loves that "Love Song" song. It's nice and all, but here's my problem: the only reason that 'today' comes at the end of the verse is to rhyme with 'stay'. I HATE that. I HATE when you can tell someone is trying to rhyme. If she wrote the exact same song and didn't need to rhyme with 'stay', she would have left 'today' off. Because it doesn't sound right. And so I banish this song.
End of story, the decision has been made.
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
I'm almost afraid to post this
Okay, but before you go, be warned: You have to be willing to make fun of yourself. Because if you're not, you'll be offended. Check the comments on the page, LOTS of people are offended. But I don't think they should be. It's hysterical. And it hits a little too close to home. Except for #52 (Sarah Silverman, whom I despise) and #10 (Wes Andersen movies, which I don't like). My favorite is #83 (Bad memories of high school).
Okay. Here it is.
Okay, but before you go, be warned: You have to be willing to make fun of yourself. Because if you're not, you'll be offended. Check the comments on the page, LOTS of people are offended. But I don't think they should be. It's hysterical. And it hits a little too close to home. Except for #52 (Sarah Silverman, whom I despise) and #10 (Wes Andersen movies, which I don't like). My favorite is #83 (Bad memories of high school).
Okay. Here it is.
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Tuesday Morning at Tuesday Morning
Today I went to Tuesday Morning for the first time. Quite appropriate, since it's Tuesday Morning. It was cool. Like TJ Maxx, only less crap and less mess. Also, less 'x's.
And I found something I liked. Explain this to me. It was a 16x20 wall.. canvas. Olive green (which, as you know, I own). And it has the alphabet on it. Not little kid nursery alphabet. Like.. adult alphabet. EXCEPT... No 'J' or 'W'. I have no idea why. I also have no idea why it was $70. But let me tell you, I WANTED it. I wanted it bad. Why is the alphabet, sans two letters, art? I don't know, but I like it. I'm still trying to come up with a way to make it not $70. Don't tell Rob. He wouldn't buy it for $7.
On the way home, I passed the old Mi Ranchito, which went out of business. I've got nothing against Mi Ranchito, but I always like it when a business I had no interest in goes out of business, because it means that there's the possibility of a cooler business going in in its place.
No luck.
Michigan Granite and Quarry?
Awesome.
Screw you, give me back Mi Ranchito, which I ate at not even once.
On the same note, I am protesting Office Depot on West Main. You should do the same. What did Office Depot ever do to me? It built a gigantic new store directly across the street from Office Max.
What the hell is the point of that.
Other, cooler things that could have gone in that space:
A bookstore
An Ikea
A warehouse filled with trampolines
Absolutely anything besides another office supplies store
So there. I'll buy my sticky notes elsewhere.
Today I went to Tuesday Morning for the first time. Quite appropriate, since it's Tuesday Morning. It was cool. Like TJ Maxx, only less crap and less mess. Also, less 'x's.
And I found something I liked. Explain this to me. It was a 16x20 wall.. canvas. Olive green (which, as you know, I own). And it has the alphabet on it. Not little kid nursery alphabet. Like.. adult alphabet. EXCEPT... No 'J' or 'W'. I have no idea why. I also have no idea why it was $70. But let me tell you, I WANTED it. I wanted it bad. Why is the alphabet, sans two letters, art? I don't know, but I like it. I'm still trying to come up with a way to make it not $70. Don't tell Rob. He wouldn't buy it for $7.
On the way home, I passed the old Mi Ranchito, which went out of business. I've got nothing against Mi Ranchito, but I always like it when a business I had no interest in goes out of business, because it means that there's the possibility of a cooler business going in in its place.
No luck.
Michigan Granite and Quarry?
Awesome.
Screw you, give me back Mi Ranchito, which I ate at not even once.
On the same note, I am protesting Office Depot on West Main. You should do the same. What did Office Depot ever do to me? It built a gigantic new store directly across the street from Office Max.
What the hell is the point of that.
Other, cooler things that could have gone in that space:
A bookstore
An Ikea
A warehouse filled with trampolines
Absolutely anything besides another office supplies store
So there. I'll buy my sticky notes elsewhere.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
At the Catholic Services Agency
Instead of calling people 'employees', they call everyone 'co-workers'. I imagine this is some type of 'we're all in this together, we work together' type of thing. But everytime I get a memo that begins "Dear Co-Workers", I can't help but feel like I'm in 1981, with the whole calling each other 'comrades' thing. It actually creeps me out a lot.
Update: Ha. By 1981, I meant 1984. One is the year of my birth, one is a evil society. Easily confused.
Instead of calling people 'employees', they call everyone 'co-workers'. I imagine this is some type of 'we're all in this together, we work together' type of thing. But everytime I get a memo that begins "Dear Co-Workers", I can't help but feel like I'm in 1981, with the whole calling each other 'comrades' thing. It actually creeps me out a lot.
Update: Ha. By 1981, I meant 1984. One is the year of my birth, one is a evil society. Easily confused.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
How to Have A Sucky Afternoon in 10 Steps
1. Run 4 miles. When you return to your house, pull the key out of your pocket and realize that, though it looks deceptively similar, it is in fact not your house key. It is a phantom key that fits absolutely nothing.
2. Make sure that your husband is gone at some stupid school retreat and that there is no conceivable way to get into your house.
3. Feel sad.
4. Start walking to your friends house, which is relatively near, to get the spare key. Believe that you can find a shortcut, though you have actually only been to her house once and couldn't really couldn't describe it if asked.
5. Get lost.
6. Go down a private drive which is marked like an actual street. Realize that you are on Richy Rich Lane. Feel wierd. Turn around.
7. Somehow plan it so that richy rich red Beamer lady is coming home just as you are walking out of the drive that leads to her house. Don't make eye contact. Feel like you have committed Grand Larceny, though the only thing you have ever stolen was a 25 cent piece of Bazooka from Benjamin Franklin's when you were a kid (sorry, Mom).
8. Walk all the way back and go the regular route.
9. Be cold.
10. Finally get the key and walk home an hour later.
1. Run 4 miles. When you return to your house, pull the key out of your pocket and realize that, though it looks deceptively similar, it is in fact not your house key. It is a phantom key that fits absolutely nothing.
2. Make sure that your husband is gone at some stupid school retreat and that there is no conceivable way to get into your house.
3. Feel sad.
4. Start walking to your friends house, which is relatively near, to get the spare key. Believe that you can find a shortcut, though you have actually only been to her house once and couldn't really couldn't describe it if asked.
5. Get lost.
6. Go down a private drive which is marked like an actual street. Realize that you are on Richy Rich Lane. Feel wierd. Turn around.
7. Somehow plan it so that richy rich red Beamer lady is coming home just as you are walking out of the drive that leads to her house. Don't make eye contact. Feel like you have committed Grand Larceny, though the only thing you have ever stolen was a 25 cent piece of Bazooka from Benjamin Franklin's when you were a kid (sorry, Mom).
8. Walk all the way back and go the regular route.
9. Be cold.
10. Finally get the key and walk home an hour later.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Interesting things I learned from Jessica this weekend
(1) It's so cool I almost don't want to tell anyone else. But, in the interest of the greater good, I will. You should go to etsy.com It's a site where people can sell their handmade stuff. Anything! clocks, photographs, jewelry, note cards, etc.
It's the awesomest.
(2) Have you ever heard of a the Rubber Room? In NY, if you're a teacher and you get in trouble, you basically get administrative leave and have to report to one of the 'rubber rooms' until your case is decided. Rubber rooms are basically big empty rooms where you sit with other teachers all day and do NOTHING. Read this, it's fascinating.
(1) It's so cool I almost don't want to tell anyone else. But, in the interest of the greater good, I will. You should go to etsy.com It's a site where people can sell their handmade stuff. Anything! clocks, photographs, jewelry, note cards, etc.
It's the awesomest.
(2) Have you ever heard of a the Rubber Room? In NY, if you're a teacher and you get in trouble, you basically get administrative leave and have to report to one of the 'rubber rooms' until your case is decided. Rubber rooms are basically big empty rooms where you sit with other teachers all day and do NOTHING. Read this, it's fascinating.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
I Can't Wait Until Erin Sees This
She's going to puke on herself. I was going to do my kitchen in this.. I don't know, modern theme? It was nice and all, but I couldn't find any curtains to go along with the whole thing. But I did find these awesome kitschy 1950's flower curtains. So I'm going with that. And I found this. It's simultaneously awesome and COMPLETELY UGLY. I love it. Also, it plays 12 songs.. INCLUDING Fur Elise.
Too late, Erin, I already bought it. Best $14.99 I've ever spent!
She's going to puke on herself. I was going to do my kitchen in this.. I don't know, modern theme? It was nice and all, but I couldn't find any curtains to go along with the whole thing. But I did find these awesome kitschy 1950's flower curtains. So I'm going with that. And I found this. It's simultaneously awesome and COMPLETELY UGLY. I love it. Also, it plays 12 songs.. INCLUDING Fur Elise.
Too late, Erin, I already bought it. Best $14.99 I've ever spent!
Thursday, March 13, 2008
The Call Girl Policy
Okay. So Elliot slept with a prostitute. I 'll be honest with you, I really don't care. Granted, you probably shouldn't sleep with prostitutes. But it's the same thing as Bill- why is this news?
Now, Kwamers, on the other hand, I have a problem with. If you get two people fired to cover up your affair, that's uncool.
And really, even if it is news, does the girl's picture really need to be on CNN? I think no. That girl's mom is going to see that. And it's a bad picture.
Last night I told Rob, listen, I want to give you the heads up way in advance- If you get caught with a call girl, I am not standing behind you at the press conference. I am not saying that I support you. Matter of fact, if someone wants to interview me, I'm telling them that you're a ho. On the record. He said if I get caught with a call girl, he's taking the kids and going to grandma's house. Like a will and life insurance, every marriage should have the firm foundation of a Call Girl Policy. Failure to plan is planning to sleep with a prostitute.
Okay. So Elliot slept with a prostitute. I 'll be honest with you, I really don't care. Granted, you probably shouldn't sleep with prostitutes. But it's the same thing as Bill- why is this news?
Now, Kwamers, on the other hand, I have a problem with. If you get two people fired to cover up your affair, that's uncool.
And really, even if it is news, does the girl's picture really need to be on CNN? I think no. That girl's mom is going to see that. And it's a bad picture.
Last night I told Rob, listen, I want to give you the heads up way in advance- If you get caught with a call girl, I am not standing behind you at the press conference. I am not saying that I support you. Matter of fact, if someone wants to interview me, I'm telling them that you're a ho. On the record. He said if I get caught with a call girl, he's taking the kids and going to grandma's house. Like a will and life insurance, every marriage should have the firm foundation of a Call Girl Policy. Failure to plan is planning to sleep with a prostitute.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Freecycle yourself a better attitude, rudey!
I use freecycle. It's sweet. What's the awesomest is how you could never possibly guess the crap that people want to take off your hands. Take for instance, the following:
So, about a month ago, we left our recycling bin out by the road after it was emptied. Then it snowed. It snowed a lot. At one point, I went out to the curb with a broom and tried to poke the handle into the snow to figure out where the bin was so I could start digging. No luck. Anyways, it was there for about a month, which meant no recycling.
Meanwhile, things are piling up, which is all fine and good, except for one thing: wine bottles. Rob and I have a glass of wine with dinner each night. If you do the math, if two people have a glass of wine each night, you will go through 3.5 bottles of wine a week. Even that makes you look like an alkie when you put it out to the curb. But after a month? Now you just look crazy. So I'm going, great, I can recycle now, but it looks like we're winos.
Enter freecycle.
This lady posts on there: "Wanted: empty wine bottles". I don't know maybe it's for a craft project. The point is, I'm still recycling the bottles, but my neighbors aren't planning interventions. Brilliant.
But then there's this guy this week who posts: "Wanted: land line phone". I'm like, huh, we've got a nice cordless, caller ID, answering machine phone wasting away in the basement. Why not."
So I offered it to him.
Except now he's being all rude. It's like this: Someone gives me a phone that's about a year old and cost about $50, I'd be like THANKS! I told him he could pick it up Tuesday and he said that wouldn't work, so I said "You can pick it up between 5-7 on Wed or Thur". His email back: "Maybe Wednesday. I need an address".
I'M SORRY! AM I PUTTING YOU OUT? IS MY GIVING YOU A PHONE A BIG HASSLE? HOW ABOUT A THANKS? Why is it that empty wine bottle lady is like "That's perfect! Thanks so much!", but phone guy is all "I'll let you know if that fits with my yoga schedule".
I use freecycle. It's sweet. What's the awesomest is how you could never possibly guess the crap that people want to take off your hands. Take for instance, the following:
So, about a month ago, we left our recycling bin out by the road after it was emptied. Then it snowed. It snowed a lot. At one point, I went out to the curb with a broom and tried to poke the handle into the snow to figure out where the bin was so I could start digging. No luck. Anyways, it was there for about a month, which meant no recycling.
Meanwhile, things are piling up, which is all fine and good, except for one thing: wine bottles. Rob and I have a glass of wine with dinner each night. If you do the math, if two people have a glass of wine each night, you will go through 3.5 bottles of wine a week. Even that makes you look like an alkie when you put it out to the curb. But after a month? Now you just look crazy. So I'm going, great, I can recycle now, but it looks like we're winos.
Enter freecycle.
This lady posts on there: "Wanted: empty wine bottles". I don't know maybe it's for a craft project. The point is, I'm still recycling the bottles, but my neighbors aren't planning interventions. Brilliant.
But then there's this guy this week who posts: "Wanted: land line phone". I'm like, huh, we've got a nice cordless, caller ID, answering machine phone wasting away in the basement. Why not."
So I offered it to him.
Except now he's being all rude. It's like this: Someone gives me a phone that's about a year old and cost about $50, I'd be like THANKS! I told him he could pick it up Tuesday and he said that wouldn't work, so I said "You can pick it up between 5-7 on Wed or Thur". His email back: "Maybe Wednesday. I need an address".
I'M SORRY! AM I PUTTING YOU OUT? IS MY GIVING YOU A PHONE A BIG HASSLE? HOW ABOUT A THANKS? Why is it that empty wine bottle lady is like "That's perfect! Thanks so much!", but phone guy is all "I'll let you know if that fits with my yoga schedule".
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Things I Suck At
Math
Doing what other people want me to do when what they want me to do is stupid
Not doing what I want to do, even if what I want to do is stupid
Euchre
Not buying lattes
Driving a stick shift
Sitting in a chair for 8 hours
Being sociable
Not swearing
Not making a joke out of everything
Spelling 'museum'
Returning emails and calls, despite the fact that I really enjoy getting them
Chess
Sitting through movies
Shoveling my driveway
Getting places on time
Punctuation
Reading anything 'classic'
Fixing electronic things
Being patient
Not making a joke out of everything
Not looking up spoilers and ruining Lost
Beating Jen at Dr. Mario
Not beating Rob at Dr. Mario
Science
Math
Doing what other people want me to do when what they want me to do is stupid
Not doing what I want to do, even if what I want to do is stupid
Euchre
Not buying lattes
Driving a stick shift
Sitting in a chair for 8 hours
Being sociable
Not swearing
Not making a joke out of everything
Spelling 'museum'
Returning emails and calls, despite the fact that I really enjoy getting them
Chess
Sitting through movies
Shoveling my driveway
Getting places on time
Punctuation
Reading anything 'classic'
Fixing electronic things
Being patient
Not making a joke out of everything
Not looking up spoilers and ruining Lost
Beating Jen at Dr. Mario
Not beating Rob at Dr. Mario
Science
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
If your like me- someone who was never really that cool to begin with and is slowly getting older and towards that late twenties age where you're not really up on slang and whatnot- I'd like to make a suggestion. Urban dictionary, my friend. Say, for instance, you were listening to this song and they said 'lay the pipe'. I, for one, am not cool enough to know what that means. Well, my friends, as you may have guessed, it means sex. Now I know. It could have been a bad situation, had I misunderstood this word. For instance, let's say I thought it had something to do with skateboarding, like a half pipe. And then I say to someone, "Man, Tony Hawk can really lay the pipe!" That would have been awkward.
Thank you Urban Dictionary.
I also now know that a 'creeper' is that nasty old guy who hangs out in bars and tries to talk to college kids.
If you don't have a word to look up, they also have a random sampling on the front page.
I would like to mention, however, that knowing what a word means and actually using the word are two totally different things. Under no circumstances do I suggest that you use a word, even if you know what it means.
You will sound like a fool.
Thank you Urban Dictionary.
I also now know that a 'creeper' is that nasty old guy who hangs out in bars and tries to talk to college kids.
If you don't have a word to look up, they also have a random sampling on the front page.
I would like to mention, however, that knowing what a word means and actually using the word are two totally different things. Under no circumstances do I suggest that you use a word, even if you know what it means.
You will sound like a fool.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
If you take that train under water, we could talk it through...
Feeling Bright Eyes nostaglic this evening.
Wrote a shitty story. But, the good news is, I actually finished a full draft which is virutally unheard of lately. It's a start.
Ran 8 miles yesterday. In 7 degree weather. Go me.
I think the weather is breaking now- It was an astounding 35(!) degrees today. It inspired me to finish painting the kitchen, which is currently sporting three different trim colors. I went out and bought the paint, but by the time I got home and went running and took a shower and ate dinner, the enthusiasm had faded. Maybe tomorrow. Actually owning the paint is the first step.
Next week is Spring Break. Hallelujah.
I like the way hallelujah is spelled. I also like the word 'buoyancy'. Also, the city "Ishpeming".
That's all I got.
Feeling Bright Eyes nostaglic this evening.
Wrote a shitty story. But, the good news is, I actually finished a full draft which is virutally unheard of lately. It's a start.
Ran 8 miles yesterday. In 7 degree weather. Go me.
I think the weather is breaking now- It was an astounding 35(!) degrees today. It inspired me to finish painting the kitchen, which is currently sporting three different trim colors. I went out and bought the paint, but by the time I got home and went running and took a shower and ate dinner, the enthusiasm had faded. Maybe tomorrow. Actually owning the paint is the first step.
Next week is Spring Break. Hallelujah.
I like the way hallelujah is spelled. I also like the word 'buoyancy'. Also, the city "Ishpeming".
That's all I got.
Friday, February 22, 2008
I think that an evil part of my brain is trying to keep me down by preventing me from ever thinking about anything of importance. This would be the song portion of my brain. Often, I will find that I have made up a little nonsense song in my head and that I'm singing it over and over again in my head, like background music. This keeps my brain occupied. For instance, today's song, which I just realized I was singing, is this:
Good Morning!
Good mor-ning-mor-ning-morNING!
Good MORning!
I have been singing this over and over in my head for at least the last hour and half that it took me to drive to Lansing. Imagine everything that I could have accomplished in that time, had I utilized my full brain potential.
On a side note, I like that Ann Coulter is beating out Charlie Manson as the scariest person in the poll.
Good Morning!
Good mor-ning-mor-ning-morNING!
Good MORning!
I have been singing this over and over in my head for at least the last hour and half that it took me to drive to Lansing. Imagine everything that I could have accomplished in that time, had I utilized my full brain potential.
On a side note, I like that Ann Coulter is beating out Charlie Manson as the scariest person in the poll.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Schadenfreude
For your enjoyment, I offer you the mental picture of Rob and me, in the driveway, trying to push his lifeless POS car into the street (in neutral) so that it can be jumped back to life. Also keep in mind that we don't so much shovel our driveway, so the snow has melted and then reformed as ice, which we now get to push the car over.
Also, Rob won't let us push too fast because the old lady across the street is shoveling her driveway (yes, 80 year old women shovel their driveways, but we dont), and he's convinced the car is going to go barreling down our driveway, cross the street up into hers and kill her.
Hope that gets you through your day.
For your enjoyment, I offer you the mental picture of Rob and me, in the driveway, trying to push his lifeless POS car into the street (in neutral) so that it can be jumped back to life. Also keep in mind that we don't so much shovel our driveway, so the snow has melted and then reformed as ice, which we now get to push the car over.
Also, Rob won't let us push too fast because the old lady across the street is shoveling her driveway (yes, 80 year old women shovel their driveways, but we dont), and he's convinced the car is going to go barreling down our driveway, cross the street up into hers and kill her.
Hope that gets you through your day.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Curious What My Top Three Favorite Books Are?
You should have just asked
1. The Catcher in the Rye
2. The Virgin Suicides
3. White Teeth
Right now I'm reading Freakonomics which is fascinating. Fascinating.
I want to know what your top three favorite books are. I am asking.
The other day I went to the library and got some audio books for my commutes to Lansing and Grand Rapids. On a side note, I think I literally have something like 25 items checked out of the library right now. Anyhow, I like to get mellow stuff for the car, because a lot of the time I'll zone out and when I realize it, I have no idea what's going on in the story anymore So, I got a Jodi Picoult book.
My bad.
This has to be some of the worst writing ever. And I quote, "He made her feel like a piece of ripe fruit about to fall off the branch."
I about crashed the car when I heard that.
My hatred is only partially fueled by the fact that she makes an actual living off of writing.
You should have just asked
1. The Catcher in the Rye
2. The Virgin Suicides
3. White Teeth
Right now I'm reading Freakonomics which is fascinating. Fascinating.
I want to know what your top three favorite books are. I am asking.
The other day I went to the library and got some audio books for my commutes to Lansing and Grand Rapids. On a side note, I think I literally have something like 25 items checked out of the library right now. Anyhow, I like to get mellow stuff for the car, because a lot of the time I'll zone out and when I realize it, I have no idea what's going on in the story anymore So, I got a Jodi Picoult book.
My bad.
This has to be some of the worst writing ever. And I quote, "He made her feel like a piece of ripe fruit about to fall off the branch."
I about crashed the car when I heard that.
My hatred is only partially fueled by the fact that she makes an actual living off of writing.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Lola as Movie Critic
First, you should read Joe's blog about how lame and copycatty all the movies are now. Totally true. One Missed Call= The Ring= Japenese Ring= come on people. Speaking of copycatty, I'm also going to write about movies.
I really liked Juno. A lot of people didn't. I thought it was over the top in places (some of the dialogue= completely unbelievable), but creative and funny and extremely enjoyable overall. What I didn't like about the movie was the music. Hands down the most obnoxious music ever.
Last night we watched "In the Land of Women". When I told Rob what we were watching, he about killed himself. But if you know Rob, then you know that the minute the t.v. is on, he in entranced.
It actually wasn't bad. The grandma was dumb, the premise of him being in MI wasn't great, Sofia was dumb. The dialogue was really good. We were really afraid it was going to be The Upside of Anger all over again. If you didnt see The Upside of Anger, allow me to ruin it for you: This woman is all angry because she believes that her husband left her for his secretary. She's bittery mcbitterton, and then in the end it turns out that he didn't leave her at all, he actually was out back in the woods behind their house and fell or something (? I don't remember, exactly) and died, and no one found him for a year.
Right. Great premise. And then I ask you, where was this guy's car? It took place in MI, so there's a 99% chance that he was driving himself around, as opposed to taking the subway or a taxi. So where's his car? The answer is, if he was at home, his car would be at home. And if his car is at home, you don't even consider the possibility that he might be there too? You don't look around? Not even in the woods behind the house where he frequently walks the dog? You just assume that he left you? Sounds to me, my friend, like you are a schizo.
Friday= Vantage Point, which I have been looking forward to for many months and had better not disappoint.
I just re-signed up for Netflix, because I felt as if Blockbusteronline was jacking me by charging $30/mo. I don't have time to watch $30 worth of movies, so maybe it would be a good deal for someone else, but not so much for me. Anyhow, Netflix has this sweet "watch instantly" thing, where you just press play and BAM! there's your movie.
Going to see Avenue Q this afternoon!
First, you should read Joe's blog about how lame and copycatty all the movies are now. Totally true. One Missed Call= The Ring= Japenese Ring= come on people. Speaking of copycatty, I'm also going to write about movies.
I really liked Juno. A lot of people didn't. I thought it was over the top in places (some of the dialogue= completely unbelievable), but creative and funny and extremely enjoyable overall. What I didn't like about the movie was the music. Hands down the most obnoxious music ever.
Last night we watched "In the Land of Women". When I told Rob what we were watching, he about killed himself. But if you know Rob, then you know that the minute the t.v. is on, he in entranced.
It actually wasn't bad. The grandma was dumb, the premise of him being in MI wasn't great, Sofia was dumb. The dialogue was really good. We were really afraid it was going to be The Upside of Anger all over again. If you didnt see The Upside of Anger, allow me to ruin it for you: This woman is all angry because she believes that her husband left her for his secretary. She's bittery mcbitterton, and then in the end it turns out that he didn't leave her at all, he actually was out back in the woods behind their house and fell or something (? I don't remember, exactly) and died, and no one found him for a year.
Right. Great premise. And then I ask you, where was this guy's car? It took place in MI, so there's a 99% chance that he was driving himself around, as opposed to taking the subway or a taxi. So where's his car? The answer is, if he was at home, his car would be at home. And if his car is at home, you don't even consider the possibility that he might be there too? You don't look around? Not even in the woods behind the house where he frequently walks the dog? You just assume that he left you? Sounds to me, my friend, like you are a schizo.
Friday= Vantage Point, which I have been looking forward to for many months and had better not disappoint.
I just re-signed up for Netflix, because I felt as if Blockbusteronline was jacking me by charging $30/mo. I don't have time to watch $30 worth of movies, so maybe it would be a good deal for someone else, but not so much for me. Anyhow, Netflix has this sweet "watch instantly" thing, where you just press play and BAM! there's your movie.
Going to see Avenue Q this afternoon!
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Sleepless in Seattle is no longer even plausible. First of all, they would have met on the internet. Second, Meg would have gotten to the top of the Empire State Building on Valentine's Day and Tom would have turned out to be a psychopathic killer. Who looked nothing like his profile picture.
Come to think of it, the idea of someone being at the top of the Empire State Building afterhours post-9/11 is completely implausible.
Well, there you go. Nice job, world, way to wreck everything. On that note, Happy Valentine's Day.
This reminds me of a story. Looking through the Sunday paper, I saw an article about one of my kids from last year who was (apparently) involved in a carjacking last week. I'd like to preface this by saying that no one deserves to get carjacked. I'm not blaming the guy, really. But here's the scenario: It's night time, you're driving along, and two guys you don't know flag you down and ask for a ride.
And you say... yes?
Come on, guy. It's not 1950. I'm not even sure that was a good idea in 1950.
Unless you're a cab driver, no one should be getting in your car. I applaud your desire to lend a hand, but,you know.
Come to think of it, the idea of someone being at the top of the Empire State Building afterhours post-9/11 is completely implausible.
Well, there you go. Nice job, world, way to wreck everything. On that note, Happy Valentine's Day.
This reminds me of a story. Looking through the Sunday paper, I saw an article about one of my kids from last year who was (apparently) involved in a carjacking last week. I'd like to preface this by saying that no one deserves to get carjacked. I'm not blaming the guy, really. But here's the scenario: It's night time, you're driving along, and two guys you don't know flag you down and ask for a ride.
And you say... yes?
Come on, guy. It's not 1950. I'm not even sure that was a good idea in 1950.
Unless you're a cab driver, no one should be getting in your car. I applaud your desire to lend a hand, but,you know.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Pocket O'Yum
There are so few quality food products out there that I feel as if I need to formally endorse Lean Pockets. Lean pockets, which I had for the first time ever today, are delicious. Try the Three Cheese Chix Quesadilla. To be honest, they were a last resort; I bought them for Rob, but when I left work to get lunch and let Penny out, they were the only thing in there.
They don't taste lean, but don't be fooled; they aren't as lean as you think. I ate both of them and then looked at the back of the box and realized that the portion facts were only for one. But, I figure they're still leaner than if I had eaten the regular hot pockets, which are the same size.
Go get yourself some lean pockets.
My new part-time job. What to say? Everyday I load up my "I heart Planned Parenthood" bag and head off to the catholic services agency. I find this funny, but I guarantee you they couldn't care less. I then proceed to do absolutely nothing. 20 hours a week of nothing. I look up pets on Petfinder.com. I check my bank account. I look up real estate that I'm not going to buy. I email. On Monday I planned my class. This seems like a win-win, but the boredom can drive you to insanity. Plus, no one really needs to sit in a chair for that long. Maybe tomorrow I'll run up and down the stairs a few times. That's good for your butt.
My neighbors have a big front window that they always keep open and I like to make up stories about their life. Today, Jose bought Kate flowers. I saw them through the window. However, there were two different vases full. I wonder what that's about. Either Jose loves Kate a lot or Jose did something bad. For the past many weeks there has been an empty milk carton sitting on their counter. This upsets Rob a lot. We get in the car and he's got this agitated look on his face. "Why don't they throw away that milk carton? It's been there for weeks."
I'm supposed to be writing right now. I am just now finishing "On Writing" by Stephen King, which I was very skeptical about, since I don't really think he's an amazing writer. Though, to be fair, I haven't really given him a chance, and I did have to read The Shining for an American Lit class in college and thought it was pretty interesting. Anyways, I really like this book. It has some pretty good advice, the primary advice being that you write everyday for 2-3 hours, and I've been pretty good about that and I think it's made a big difference. I'm currently working on a story where a woman swallows straight pins.
There are so few quality food products out there that I feel as if I need to formally endorse Lean Pockets. Lean pockets, which I had for the first time ever today, are delicious. Try the Three Cheese Chix Quesadilla. To be honest, they were a last resort; I bought them for Rob, but when I left work to get lunch and let Penny out, they were the only thing in there.
They don't taste lean, but don't be fooled; they aren't as lean as you think. I ate both of them and then looked at the back of the box and realized that the portion facts were only for one. But, I figure they're still leaner than if I had eaten the regular hot pockets, which are the same size.
Go get yourself some lean pockets.
My new part-time job. What to say? Everyday I load up my "I heart Planned Parenthood" bag and head off to the catholic services agency. I find this funny, but I guarantee you they couldn't care less. I then proceed to do absolutely nothing. 20 hours a week of nothing. I look up pets on Petfinder.com. I check my bank account. I look up real estate that I'm not going to buy. I email. On Monday I planned my class. This seems like a win-win, but the boredom can drive you to insanity. Plus, no one really needs to sit in a chair for that long. Maybe tomorrow I'll run up and down the stairs a few times. That's good for your butt.
My neighbors have a big front window that they always keep open and I like to make up stories about their life. Today, Jose bought Kate flowers. I saw them through the window. However, there were two different vases full. I wonder what that's about. Either Jose loves Kate a lot or Jose did something bad. For the past many weeks there has been an empty milk carton sitting on their counter. This upsets Rob a lot. We get in the car and he's got this agitated look on his face. "Why don't they throw away that milk carton? It's been there for weeks."
I'm supposed to be writing right now. I am just now finishing "On Writing" by Stephen King, which I was very skeptical about, since I don't really think he's an amazing writer. Though, to be fair, I haven't really given him a chance, and I did have to read The Shining for an American Lit class in college and thought it was pretty interesting. Anyways, I really like this book. It has some pretty good advice, the primary advice being that you write everyday for 2-3 hours, and I've been pretty good about that and I think it's made a big difference. I'm currently working on a story where a woman swallows straight pins.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
DUDE STOLE MY IDEA!
Cheap. Are you under the impression that I'm thinking for free? NO! I (should) get paid to think up these things.
Fine, then. If you're going to take me for granted like that, that's the last time I save the planet. You make your bed, you lie in it my friend. LIE being the operative word.
I have spies everywhere (good job, Jess)- you won't get away with this.
Cheap. Are you under the impression that I'm thinking for free? NO! I (should) get paid to think up these things.
Fine, then. If you're going to take me for granted like that, that's the last time I save the planet. You make your bed, you lie in it my friend. LIE being the operative word.
I have spies everywhere (good job, Jess)- you won't get away with this.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Twitter
As you can see to the left, I joined twitter. Still though, I don't really understand what Twitter is. I'm telling people what I'm doing all the time and they're following it?
I like the idea and all, but the truth is that I'm just not really all that interesting. After a while, I may need to start making things up. Please don't be offended if I lead you astray.
I like the word 'twitter'.
I also added the "poll" thing, where I get to ask you asinine, irrelevent questions.
You know what's the absolute best? Sharp pencils. There is something so satisfying about a sharp pencil. Same deal with brand new, completely empty notebooks. I felt strongly enough about this that, last week after sharpening a pencil and thinking how nice it was, I opened up my planner and wrote "Things I Love" in the back and, underneath, "sharp pencils".
As you can see to the left, I joined twitter. Still though, I don't really understand what Twitter is. I'm telling people what I'm doing all the time and they're following it?
I like the idea and all, but the truth is that I'm just not really all that interesting. After a while, I may need to start making things up. Please don't be offended if I lead you astray.
I like the word 'twitter'.
I also added the "poll" thing, where I get to ask you asinine, irrelevent questions.
You know what's the absolute best? Sharp pencils. There is something so satisfying about a sharp pencil. Same deal with brand new, completely empty notebooks. I felt strongly enough about this that, last week after sharpening a pencil and thinking how nice it was, I opened up my planner and wrote "Things I Love" in the back and, underneath, "sharp pencils".
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Quick Update
Tonight I sewed my very first sewing project ever. In case you're unaware, my mom is a sewing genius. I am here to tell you that that is not a genetic trait.
Really, though, I did okay, except that the edges of my bag handle are fraying. I think this is because I didn't 'grade the seam'. I don't know what that means, but it sounded boring and time-intensive, so I skipped it. Now they're fraying. I give them a grade of 'F'.
But really, it's a handbag that has a lining- I feel that that's pretty intricate. I'm proud of myself. Plus, I was making it for my sister, so she's the one that's going to have to walk around with a bag with frayed edges anyways.
I hate taxes. Let's not talk about it.
That's really all I've got today. It's snowing like crazy here. I feel as if it's never going to stop snowing.
Tonight I sewed my very first sewing project ever. In case you're unaware, my mom is a sewing genius. I am here to tell you that that is not a genetic trait.
Really, though, I did okay, except that the edges of my bag handle are fraying. I think this is because I didn't 'grade the seam'. I don't know what that means, but it sounded boring and time-intensive, so I skipped it. Now they're fraying. I give them a grade of 'F'.
But really, it's a handbag that has a lining- I feel that that's pretty intricate. I'm proud of myself. Plus, I was making it for my sister, so she's the one that's going to have to walk around with a bag with frayed edges anyways.
I hate taxes. Let's not talk about it.
That's really all I've got today. It's snowing like crazy here. I feel as if it's never going to stop snowing.
Monday, January 28, 2008
It's becoming clear that I did something wrong. If I did something wrong to you, I am sorry. Please take your little voodoo pins out of my voodoo stomach. Seriously, truce.
The following things have happened to me:
(1)Passengers side window of my car shattered while being lowered. Now I'm one of those people you see driving around with the plastic over their window and you think to yourself, "Seriously, why don't they get that fixed?"
THEY DON'T GET IT FIXED BECAUSE NO ONE CAN HAVE THE GLASS IN UNTIL TUESDAY MORNING, OKAY?
(2) Had to have a TB test today and literally almost passed out. Nurse guy thought I was insane. I had to lay down. We chatted for a while. He was nice. Seriously, though, if you've ever had a TB test, you know that there is absolutely no pain involved. It's completely in my head.
(3) Got stuck pulling into my driveway. This, of course, is my fault for not shoveling my driveway. But nonetheless. Had to get out, get my shovel, and dig myself out of my own driveway. Awesome.
The following things have happened to me:
(1)Passengers side window of my car shattered while being lowered. Now I'm one of those people you see driving around with the plastic over their window and you think to yourself, "Seriously, why don't they get that fixed?"
THEY DON'T GET IT FIXED BECAUSE NO ONE CAN HAVE THE GLASS IN UNTIL TUESDAY MORNING, OKAY?
(2) Had to have a TB test today and literally almost passed out. Nurse guy thought I was insane. I had to lay down. We chatted for a while. He was nice. Seriously, though, if you've ever had a TB test, you know that there is absolutely no pain involved. It's completely in my head.
(3) Got stuck pulling into my driveway. This, of course, is my fault for not shoveling my driveway. But nonetheless. Had to get out, get my shovel, and dig myself out of my own driveway. Awesome.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Laura's Super Duper Foolproof Plan to Prevent the Recession, But Please Keep In Mind That She Has Basically No Understanding Of Anything Budget/Fiscally Related.
What if they gave people those rebates that they're talking about, but instead of sending them checks, they sent the rebate loaded onto a DEBIT CARD (like those Visa gift cards you can get), so that people couldn't save the money, they would have to spend it. YES? YES? WHAT? I'M A POLITICAL GENIUS? I thought so, too.
What if they gave people those rebates that they're talking about, but instead of sending them checks, they sent the rebate loaded onto a DEBIT CARD (like those Visa gift cards you can get), so that people couldn't save the money, they would have to spend it. YES? YES? WHAT? I'M A POLITICAL GENIUS? I thought so, too.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
10 Reasons I Hate Subbing In Elementary Schools
10. Can I go to the bathroom?
9. Can I sharpen my pencil?
8. Why not? Whynotwhynotwhynotwhynotwhynotwhynot?
7. She got to read more than I did
6. No fair
5. That's not how Mrs. XYZ does it
4. Why do your 'n's look like 'h's?
3. He/she called me...
2. NO! I'M AT THE FRONT OF THE LINE! I'M THE SPECIAL PERSON TODAY. (I loathe whoever thought up the special person thing. Whenever I'm subbing the most obnoxious kid in class is always the special person.)
1. Really, though, I mostly hate it because in the back of my mind, I know that I really don't know a lot of this stuff, particularly the math and science, and hell if I remember who Marco Polo was and what he did, and I know, I just KNOW, that I'm going to caught by them eventually.
Yesterday, I went and got my legit Kalamazoo Public Library card reinstated and I seriously feel like I'm so lucky. Libraries are awesome, it's like all this stuff for free. Minus all the fines I end up paying.
P.S. I'm so excited about Lost starting next week I might throw up.
10. Can I go to the bathroom?
9. Can I sharpen my pencil?
8. Why not? Whynotwhynotwhynotwhynotwhynotwhynot?
7. She got to read more than I did
6. No fair
5. That's not how Mrs. XYZ does it
4. Why do your 'n's look like 'h's?
3. He/she called me...
2. NO! I'M AT THE FRONT OF THE LINE! I'M THE SPECIAL PERSON TODAY. (I loathe whoever thought up the special person thing. Whenever I'm subbing the most obnoxious kid in class is always the special person.)
1. Really, though, I mostly hate it because in the back of my mind, I know that I really don't know a lot of this stuff, particularly the math and science, and hell if I remember who Marco Polo was and what he did, and I know, I just KNOW, that I'm going to caught by them eventually.
Yesterday, I went and got my legit Kalamazoo Public Library card reinstated and I seriously feel like I'm so lucky. Libraries are awesome, it's like all this stuff for free. Minus all the fines I end up paying.
P.S. I'm so excited about Lost starting next week I might throw up.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Hooray!
Since that last post, the "other people" have become official. Probably my blog is what did it.
Sara and Ryan are getting married! Hooray!
Clearly, this summer is the cool summer to get married.
On the non-marriage-related topics:
(1) My teeth got to talking to the rest of my body and now the whole thing is revolting against me. Yesterday I was doubled over in bed all day because my ulcer made a sneaky comeback. Then today, I get all dressed and ready to go to the laundromat (Laura, didn't you just buy a new washer and dryer? Yes, shut up, I don't want to talk about it), I get in the car and start driving, and I CANT OPEN MY EYES. I don't know what the crap that's all about, but all the sudden my eyes are ultra-sensitive to light. I got a mile from my house and had to turn around, and basically almost crashed on the way home, as I tried to pry open my eyes and wipe away all the tears so I could see the road. My eyes are watering just thinking about it.
OKAY TEETH, YOU WIN, ALRIGHT?!?! I'LL FREAKING FLOSS!!!
I could replace you at any time with some nice dentures, FYI.
(2) One last primary thing, and then I'll stop talking about it for at least a week, I swear.
I don't like Mitt Romney either. Stop voting for him.
Your choices are Barack or Hillary. If you must vote for a Republican, you may vote for McCain, I guess.
That's it.
It's good that I don't run a country, because it's clear that I would be one of those dictators that feels that they know what's best for the country and would just take away all their choices. I'd be Castro. And what's worse is, I'm only mildly informed.
Since that last post, the "other people" have become official. Probably my blog is what did it.
Sara and Ryan are getting married! Hooray!
Clearly, this summer is the cool summer to get married.
On the non-marriage-related topics:
(1) My teeth got to talking to the rest of my body and now the whole thing is revolting against me. Yesterday I was doubled over in bed all day because my ulcer made a sneaky comeback. Then today, I get all dressed and ready to go to the laundromat (Laura, didn't you just buy a new washer and dryer? Yes, shut up, I don't want to talk about it), I get in the car and start driving, and I CANT OPEN MY EYES. I don't know what the crap that's all about, but all the sudden my eyes are ultra-sensitive to light. I got a mile from my house and had to turn around, and basically almost crashed on the way home, as I tried to pry open my eyes and wipe away all the tears so I could see the road. My eyes are watering just thinking about it.
OKAY TEETH, YOU WIN, ALRIGHT?!?! I'LL FREAKING FLOSS!!!
I could replace you at any time with some nice dentures, FYI.
(2) One last primary thing, and then I'll stop talking about it for at least a week, I swear.
I don't like Mitt Romney either. Stop voting for him.
Your choices are Barack or Hillary. If you must vote for a Republican, you may vote for McCain, I guess.
That's it.
It's good that I don't run a country, because it's clear that I would be one of those dictators that feels that they know what's best for the country and would just take away all their choices. I'd be Castro. And what's worse is, I'm only mildly informed.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Why the flip are people so on fire for Ron Paul?
Dude gives me the shivers.
Not sure why, just a feeling.
I'd like to get a yard sign. BarackorHillary?BarackorHillary?BarackorHillary? Oh screw it, I'm going to get a Ron Paul sign!
I realized today that I haven't put any house pictures up yet. But our camera battery is dead, we can't find the charger, and you have to have the camera on to upload pictures. So there you have it. That camera is more trouble than it's worth.
Major house improvements, thus far:
All windows, with the exception of the kitchen, have shades up. No more peep show.
Yesterday, I put up a shelf. The process of using a stud finder continues to ellude me. I drill at random.
My office is amazing. Writing= in full swing. For me. More of a leisurely lacksadasical drift compared to others.
Lola's List of Looking Forward To:
*Really looking forward to Run Camp, actually. Someone needs to get my butt in gear. I'm doing a marathon in the fall. Possibly through the Redwoods.
*WEDDINGS!! Lots of weddings!! Jon and Rebecca, Joe and Erin. Also, some other weddings.
*Summer. I have a back yard and a hammock. Soon I will have a vegetable garden. Then my plan will be complete.
*Going to D.C. to see Erin graduate in April. Me+airplanes+top secret academies= love
*I don't usually get all bent out of shape about movies (except Harry Potter), but I cannot WAIT to see both Vantage Point and Stop Loss.
*They're doing "Assassins" @ the Whole Art Theatre in Kzoo. That will be fun.
I realize that John Mellencamp probably already has a fan club and a fan club president, but I'm thinking of planning a coup. I really feel that I am the #1 John Mellencamp fan. He's always really involved in the presidential campaigns, so I looked up who he was supporting today. It wasn't either of the people that I'm supporting. And I thought for a second about changing, before I realized that was the worst possible reason to change an opinion.
Dude gives me the shivers.
Not sure why, just a feeling.
I'd like to get a yard sign. BarackorHillary?BarackorHillary?BarackorHillary? Oh screw it, I'm going to get a Ron Paul sign!
I realized today that I haven't put any house pictures up yet. But our camera battery is dead, we can't find the charger, and you have to have the camera on to upload pictures. So there you have it. That camera is more trouble than it's worth.
Major house improvements, thus far:
All windows, with the exception of the kitchen, have shades up. No more peep show.
Yesterday, I put up a shelf. The process of using a stud finder continues to ellude me. I drill at random.
My office is amazing. Writing= in full swing. For me. More of a leisurely lacksadasical drift compared to others.
Lola's List of Looking Forward To:
*Really looking forward to Run Camp, actually. Someone needs to get my butt in gear. I'm doing a marathon in the fall. Possibly through the Redwoods.
*WEDDINGS!! Lots of weddings!! Jon and Rebecca, Joe and Erin. Also, some other weddings.
*Summer. I have a back yard and a hammock. Soon I will have a vegetable garden. Then my plan will be complete.
*Going to D.C. to see Erin graduate in April. Me+airplanes+top secret academies= love
*I don't usually get all bent out of shape about movies (except Harry Potter), but I cannot WAIT to see both Vantage Point and Stop Loss.
*They're doing "Assassins" @ the Whole Art Theatre in Kzoo. That will be fun.
I realize that John Mellencamp probably already has a fan club and a fan club president, but I'm thinking of planning a coup. I really feel that I am the #1 John Mellencamp fan. He's always really involved in the presidential campaigns, so I looked up who he was supporting today. It wasn't either of the people that I'm supporting. And I thought for a second about changing, before I realized that was the worst possible reason to change an opinion.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
A hot dog is delicious all on its own, but what really makes a hot dog delicious is when you wrap it in something. For instance, a month or so ago, Joe P. and I were at the mall and they were giving out samples of hot dogs wrapped in soft pretzel. It was amazing.
On Monday, I was waiting for my class to start, so I went over to the Einstein Bros. bagel place on campus. I don't think we have very many Einstein Bros. in Michigan, or at least I've never seen any, but it reminded me of last spring when I went to visit Lily in St. Louis and had a hot dog wrapped in a bagel. Also delicious.
This time, though, I just had some Chicken Noodle soup. Because hot dogs wrapped in miscellaneous carbs may be delicious, but they are almost never healthy, just to warn you.
On Monday, I was waiting for my class to start, so I went over to the Einstein Bros. bagel place on campus. I don't think we have very many Einstein Bros. in Michigan, or at least I've never seen any, but it reminded me of last spring when I went to visit Lily in St. Louis and had a hot dog wrapped in a bagel. Also delicious.
This time, though, I just had some Chicken Noodle soup. Because hot dogs wrapped in miscellaneous carbs may be delicious, but they are almost never healthy, just to warn you.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Engagement Pictures!Okay, let's be honest. Some of my lighting sucks. That's 1/4 because the light was bad and 3/4 because I'm bad with the technical stuff. I'm taking a KVCC class this semester to re-learn how to do that stuff. Plus, that's what Rob McPhotoshop is for. Nonetheless, these are pretty cute. Here are a few of my favs:
Sunday, January 13, 2008
And I guess that's why they call it the blues!
TIME ON MY HANDS!
Could be time spent with you-oo!
Good song.
Took Erin and Joe's engagement pictures today and I'm super excited about getting them back. Getting them back because, in the move, Rob and I seem to have lost the charger for the digital camera, so I took all the pictures with an actual film camera* (8 rolls!). Which I'm far more comfortable with than a digital camera anyways. Who gets that digital camera focus thing? Not me. Anticipated favorite: went to the Kalamazoo Library, stole a book cart and took pictures of Joe pushing Erin around through the stacks. Classily, though. It's going to be awesome. Don't hate on my pictures.
I'm taking a photography class @ KVCC this semester, and this time I'm actually going to pay attention when they talk about aperature, shutter speed and ISO. I swear.
*actual film camera donated by Gordy. His phrase was "borrowed from" but, after 6 years, "donated by" is probably more appropriate.
TIME ON MY HANDS!
Could be time spent with you-oo!
Good song.
Took Erin and Joe's engagement pictures today and I'm super excited about getting them back. Getting them back because, in the move, Rob and I seem to have lost the charger for the digital camera, so I took all the pictures with an actual film camera* (8 rolls!). Which I'm far more comfortable with than a digital camera anyways. Who gets that digital camera focus thing? Not me. Anticipated favorite: went to the Kalamazoo Library, stole a book cart and took pictures of Joe pushing Erin around through the stacks. Classily, though. It's going to be awesome. Don't hate on my pictures.
I'm taking a photography class @ KVCC this semester, and this time I'm actually going to pay attention when they talk about aperature, shutter speed and ISO. I swear.
*actual film camera donated by Gordy. His phrase was "borrowed from" but, after 6 years, "donated by" is probably more appropriate.
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
How to Ruin Your Work Ethic
What will ruin you is having one night class and one day class. Period. This leaves Mon-Thur all day, plus the weekend for doing nothing. I'm not really doing nothing. I'm writing, I'm reading, I'm doing work for my classes. I'm painting the trim in my house so I can take the blue tape off of everything so Rob doesn't kill me. But I'm doing it at a leisurely pace and stopping at random times to enjoy a delicious cup of Jello fat-free vanilla pudding.
But that has to end now. Turns out cutting your class load in half also cuts your income in half. I was never good at math, but I guess I should have realized. Blah. Had one interview today, one on Monday. And there's always subbing...
Really, though, the prospect of getting up at an actual time and doing something actual actually makes me feel sick. You go downhill really fast. I have always worked and I've worked many 9-5s. There was one semester where I worked two jobs, a full-time and a part-time. But a few weeks of this and I'm feeling all entitled to my time. What do you mean you want me there at a certain time?
What will ruin you is having one night class and one day class. Period. This leaves Mon-Thur all day, plus the weekend for doing nothing. I'm not really doing nothing. I'm writing, I'm reading, I'm doing work for my classes. I'm painting the trim in my house so I can take the blue tape off of everything so Rob doesn't kill me. But I'm doing it at a leisurely pace and stopping at random times to enjoy a delicious cup of Jello fat-free vanilla pudding.
But that has to end now. Turns out cutting your class load in half also cuts your income in half. I was never good at math, but I guess I should have realized. Blah. Had one interview today, one on Monday. And there's always subbing...
Really, though, the prospect of getting up at an actual time and doing something actual actually makes me feel sick. You go downhill really fast. I have always worked and I've worked many 9-5s. There was one semester where I worked two jobs, a full-time and a part-time. But a few weeks of this and I'm feeling all entitled to my time. What do you mean you want me there at a certain time?
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
9 True Statements
(1) My teeth hate me and they're all planning to fall out to get me back for not flossing.
(2) I am excited about the NH primaries. Proof that I'm legitimately old.
(3) John McCain is 75 years old (75!). Or maybe he's 71 and I added the four years to find out how old he would be at the next elections (71!). That's pretty old to be president. This guy they were interviewing on NPR today said "I don't think he's too old to be president this time, but I wouldn't recommend a second term." Really. 71-75 are the crucial four years? I strip your right to vote. Be gone.
(4) Absolute best part of taking a college class: getting the syllabus. It's like your entire semester laid out for you, looking all clean and easy. Ha. Still, though, love the syllabus.
(5) My dog will eat anything. ANYTHING. Bet me. No don't. I don't want to clean it up.
(6) Heather got me some white wine for my bday and it is uber good.
(7) The other day I took Penny on a walk and when I got up to Water Street, I blew my nose and my nose.. piercing (I keep wanting to say 'ring', but I would never put an actual ring in my nose) came all discombobulated and I had to walk home with it all messed up, the stud part sticking out of my nose because if I tried to fix it without a mirror, I would have just torn it out on accident. And I thought about how hard my dad would have been laughing at me if he had seen it.
(8) #1 on my list of #1s? Reeses Snacksters. 100 calories! Peanut Butter goodness!
(9) Just finished this book Open House by Elizabeth Berg that I bought for a quarter at a library sale. Not good. And yet, it was a New York Times Bestseller. This makes me simultaneously mad and hopeful.
(1) My teeth hate me and they're all planning to fall out to get me back for not flossing.
(2) I am excited about the NH primaries. Proof that I'm legitimately old.
(3) John McCain is 75 years old (75!). Or maybe he's 71 and I added the four years to find out how old he would be at the next elections (71!). That's pretty old to be president. This guy they were interviewing on NPR today said "I don't think he's too old to be president this time, but I wouldn't recommend a second term." Really. 71-75 are the crucial four years? I strip your right to vote. Be gone.
(4) Absolute best part of taking a college class: getting the syllabus. It's like your entire semester laid out for you, looking all clean and easy. Ha. Still, though, love the syllabus.
(5) My dog will eat anything. ANYTHING. Bet me. No don't. I don't want to clean it up.
(6) Heather got me some white wine for my bday and it is uber good.
(7) The other day I took Penny on a walk and when I got up to Water Street, I blew my nose and my nose.. piercing (I keep wanting to say 'ring', but I would never put an actual ring in my nose) came all discombobulated and I had to walk home with it all messed up, the stud part sticking out of my nose because if I tried to fix it without a mirror, I would have just torn it out on accident. And I thought about how hard my dad would have been laughing at me if he had seen it.
(8) #1 on my list of #1s? Reeses Snacksters. 100 calories! Peanut Butter goodness!
(9) Just finished this book Open House by Elizabeth Berg that I bought for a quarter at a library sale. Not good. And yet, it was a New York Times Bestseller. This makes me simultaneously mad and hopeful.
Monday, January 07, 2008
That's Right! I Knew They Loved Me All Along!!
No I didn't. I got my evaluations back from my first semester students today. All during Christmas break I went back and forth about whether or not I should even read them. You know that I'm too nosy to not read them though. So I did. They were so... positive. One kid even called me 'entertaining'. I never felt entertaining. Not once all semester.
No I didn't. I got my evaluations back from my first semester students today. All during Christmas break I went back and forth about whether or not I should even read them. You know that I'm too nosy to not read them though. So I did. They were so... positive. One kid even called me 'entertaining'. I never felt entertaining. Not once all semester.
Okay, yeah, I'm being a Beah, but seriously?
Girl at Beaners: Hi! How's your day going??
Me at 9am:... fine.
Girl at Beaners: Did anything exciting happen yet??
Verbatim.
Well, gee golly, not yet, but who knows what the day holds! Maybe peppermint ice cream! Or ponies!
I think those people snort espresso beans in the back.
Also, I've turned into a real sarcastic bitch, but I say embrace who you are.
Girl at Beaners: Hi! How's your day going??
Me at 9am:... fine.
Girl at Beaners: Did anything exciting happen yet??
Verbatim.
Well, gee golly, not yet, but who knows what the day holds! Maybe peppermint ice cream! Or ponies!
I think those people snort espresso beans in the back.
Also, I've turned into a real sarcastic bitch, but I say embrace who you are.
Sunday, January 06, 2008
Here I Am
It's been like a decade or so. I'm back now. You would think that I would have a lot to say, being that I haven't been on here for a few weeks, but... no. Except that my birthday was few days ago. I always get depressed on my birthday, because it's supposed to be so fun, but birthdays always end up being just another day. So I got my nose pierced to make myself feel better.
Here's what I've learned about the suburbs so far: You have to shovel your driveway a lot. Like, down to the asphalt. Otherwise, you're a bad homeowner.
I shoveled it once, and then I said screw that.
Today I've been wondering a great deal about the song "Every Rose Has Its Thorn"
These are the lyrics, as I remember them:
We both lie silent and still in the dead of the night
We lie close together, but we're miles apart inside
Was it something I said, Something I did
Did my words not come out right?
Oh I tried not to hurt you
Oh I tried
But I guess that's why they say
Every rose has it's thorn
blahblahblah.
Who's supposed to be the rose? Him or her? If he hurt her, shouldn't he be the rose (and therefore, have the thorn)? I find it odd that a guy would call himself a rose. But it doesn't make sense otherwise.
On top of that, the next two analogies (Just like every night has it's dawn/ Just like every cowboy sings a sad, sad song), are not the same thing as "Every rose has it's thorn". They're not even close. If you were taking the SAT and the question was "Rose is to thorn as" and you chose "night is to dawn", you would get it WRONG WRONG WRONG.
I pass the burden of this conundrum on to you.
It's been like a decade or so. I'm back now. You would think that I would have a lot to say, being that I haven't been on here for a few weeks, but... no. Except that my birthday was few days ago. I always get depressed on my birthday, because it's supposed to be so fun, but birthdays always end up being just another day. So I got my nose pierced to make myself feel better.
Here's what I've learned about the suburbs so far: You have to shovel your driveway a lot. Like, down to the asphalt. Otherwise, you're a bad homeowner.
I shoveled it once, and then I said screw that.
Today I've been wondering a great deal about the song "Every Rose Has Its Thorn"
These are the lyrics, as I remember them:
We both lie silent and still in the dead of the night
We lie close together, but we're miles apart inside
Was it something I said, Something I did
Did my words not come out right?
Oh I tried not to hurt you
Oh I tried
But I guess that's why they say
Every rose has it's thorn
blahblahblah.
Who's supposed to be the rose? Him or her? If he hurt her, shouldn't he be the rose (and therefore, have the thorn)? I find it odd that a guy would call himself a rose. But it doesn't make sense otherwise.
On top of that, the next two analogies (Just like every night has it's dawn/ Just like every cowboy sings a sad, sad song), are not the same thing as "Every rose has it's thorn". They're not even close. If you were taking the SAT and the question was "Rose is to thorn as" and you chose "night is to dawn", you would get it WRONG WRONG WRONG.
I pass the burden of this conundrum on to you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
.jpg)
